A More Realistic Bush Museum:

The highlights of the new George W. Bush Library and Abattoir of History are many. The building itself is shaped like a giant hand with a middle finger thrusting out, obviously pointing towards the heavens, where the former president found the strength to deal with the many crises of his two terms in office. The statues out front of drunken sisters Barbara and Jenna Bush welcome you inside because, indeed, what is life but a party?

– The first space is the “How-the-Fuck-Did-This-Guy-Become-President” Room, and it deals with Bush’s early years. Exhibits include the megaphone Bush used as a school cheerleader, a pile of cocaine and bottle and bottles of tequila, and, of course, a wrecked car or two. You’ll learn about how Bush succeeded in destroying nearly every business he ever came near, except for the Texas Rangers, which didn’t require him to play an active role. You’ll gaze in wonder, perhaps nodding and thinking, “How the fuck did this guy become president? Sure, maybe governor of Texas because, well, fuck, it’s Texas. But the whole goddamn country? Twice?” Then you see the final glass case: stacks of cash from the Bush family’s overseas accounts.

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