Inspection- Of Surrogate Sliming and Shooting Your Rhetorical Wad Before It’s Time

As we all know, there are certain things O’Bama can’t say up front. He has to maintain his image as one who is going to unite. He’s a smart politician; who knows exactly what he’s doing, just like Hillary, right? So as far as someone who served on his campaign in an unpaid role, who married him, who was his theological advisor? Hmmm… surrogate? He also had another campaign worker who he knew, “had to know,” could paint Hillary as a one dimensional, evil; creature form Hell. Plus, how about all those Black robocallers that flood talk show phone banks these days. Keep the surrogates rollin, ye ha!

What a load of dung I just typed. I can smell it from here. Whenever I hear the O’Bama folks use the “surrogate of Hillary” tactic I feel nausea crawl into my soul, because I know where this is going. It’s going the same place those who will refuse to vote for O’Bama if Hillary loses will take us… to a place where we’ll be ruled by someone far more likely to actually be a surrogate. After someone snuggles up to a pol who stole the nomination from you through whisper campaigns about how nuts you were driven in the Hanoi Hilton, how you had an illegitimate Black baby, one has to wonder: has that person been driven into some weird Stockholm syndrome frame of mind only to become “the Stepford Candidate?”

Of course fictional Stepfords were robots, or “gynoids” as one version referred to them. But where is this huge surrogate factory that both Barack and Hillary seem have access to? Are they rich enough to have one each?

Of course not, because, once again… this is all putrid, rotted, guano. Surrogate commments are nothing more than attempts to turn those who you are politically engaged with as evil, Dr. No like, caricatures who man… maybe “woman” in this case would be more accurate… an army of empty minded followers and staff programmed to say what you want to: but can’t.

I just snickered as I mentally pictured Michelle O’Bama and Bill Clinton with “friggin lasers on their heads.” but to clarify my real position…

Hogwash. Plain and simple. This is “you’re either fer us or agin us” Bush-style politics at its worse. Such a vast conspiracy would be so complicated it would eat itself tail first before the very first comment. Michelle and Bill would fill the tank with nothing but bile and blood.

But it does sound a little like the election year we’re having, doesn’t it?

Barack’s minister is no more his robot than Ferraro is Hillary’s. Why is the media covering this, just to make them both look bad? Now that wouldn’t surprise me a bit. Frankly all a candidate has to say, as far as I’m concerned, is, “Well, I don’t agree with that…” What’s next, we’ll hear that Hillary’s housekeeper going to let the “n-word” slip? We know that her housekeeper would have to be just another fembot, right? Plus, we’ve already have had “bitch,” “cold,” “manipulative,” “calculating,” perhaps some staffer or Michelle will entertain us with calling Ms. Clinton a “political slut,” or “rhetorical whore?”

Oh, this is so much fun… not.

Frankly, I don’t give a tinker’s damn if any of that happens. It all stupid, politically motivated, distraction. I want to know what a candidate not only thinks; but is going to do. None of this “change” feltergarb. Let’s get to specifics.

I was also bothered, last night, as I drove home from my Southern tour and Stephanie Miller played Barack’s speech. First off, I think responding to this minister supposedly gone wild controversy with some long ass speech simply gives it more power than it deserves. Except when it comes to some cults, no church member has to agree with anything any minister says: political or otherwise. But as far as the speech goes? I think he shot his wad way too fast and much too soon. This would have made a great speech when, and if, he accepts his nomination. To me his droning on about semi, sort of, related topics only served to underline the question every mindlessly inquiring mind concerned with what is really a non-issue really wants to know, “How the hell can you go to this guy’s church for so many decades, been married by him and discussed theological things, and decision making, and not at least hear a few rumors about his rather controversial opinions: especially ‘God damn America?'”

No one out here is that stupid Barack. Come on. You don’t have to agree with him. At least admit, if you were ignorant, that after so many years you probably should of known.

But all this is meaningless to me. I don’t really care. I was just annoyed that Barack used a speech that had been billed as an attempt to explain what some perceive as a “problem” as a vehicle to quickly address that “problem” in a shallow manner… only to eagerly hop into another other vehicle designed to drive away from his “problem” and towards other things he’d rather discuss. Segregation? White anger? These were topics that I felt would have best been saved for, oh let’s say, addressing the nation as whole as the nominee. Interesting topics all, well phrased, just the wrong venue in my opinion. Besides, shouldn’t we save the big guns for the major battle? Won’t “the enemy” be ready to gut him when he tries this if he is the nominee?

Maybe. Maybe not. We’ll see.

So I listened on as, post speech, Stephanie declared Barack “hit it out of the park.”

Huh?

But the calls, oh, the wretched, kiss ass calls: only one critical one in the bunch which Steph quickly dispatched so no one would have to listen to his concerns. The rest sounded worse than love sick puppies; certainly not mature voters. One woman called crying so many bucket loads of tears over this speech I considered putting a barf guard over my Sirius radio. Not one caller could seriously analyze the speech without drooling all over it with love spit.

I have said I will vote for whoever gets the nomination. That is still true, but I don’t think I’ll work for either this year. It will be time poorly spent trying to save a severely soiled campaign: no matter who gets it. Frankly, my wildest, never to happen, hope is that it gets so locked up that they beg Al Gore to return and both candidates agree if one becomes VP, the other becomes Secretary of State. I don’t give a damn which; though a Gore/Clinton ticket might bring on a few more bad vibes than needed. Besides, after listening to the drink the tainted Kool Aid for Barack barrage I’ve been hearing 24/7, and the stumbling, awkward, Clinton campaign, I’ve come to realize… if he doesn’t get something… all of this will probably end the Democratic Party as we know it.

Considering how Dems, once they got power, have been so unable: more often unwilling, to hit the broad side of a Bush barn… maybe it’s for the best. So I’ll just let the sex and race war continue. I probably won’t listen to either side, or even care, much anymore. I have more important things to do than listen to children bicker while the real bullies are surrounding the uncovered “wagons” and getting ready to kick used kitty litter in the “winner’s” eyes.

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Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over thirty years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.