No Such Thing as Zombies

Picture courtesy coolfacts.in

Written by Ye Olde Scribe

Stupid movies.

Stupid TV shows.

Who was the idiot who thought the whole zombie thing up?

Use YOUR brain for once.

Why would anyone, even the walking dead, want to eat brains? They’re bland, mushy and the texture is, well, almost as bad as that of the walking dead.

Of course there is no such thing as the walking dead. But the dead do live. We discovered that the day the corpse arrived at the morgue. We thought him a simple Hindu bee keeper, not much more. If you passed by his hives when he was tending them you could hear him going, “OM.”

Let me explain. As coroner I’m glad the county decided to place the city morgue next to the hospital, but I sure wish they had chose a different part of the hospital. We live in a very Conservative state and recently they instituted enforced castration for rapists. The morgue is right next to the dumpster where they dispose those remains.

So when we opened up the bag that they brought him in we found out that his bees loved him so much they committed suicide: flew right down his mouth with a, “Zzzzzzzzzzz… When we opened his mouth we found, for some reason, they were only partially resurrected. Perhaps the fact the beekeeper was a very religious man in public, but cheated on his wife, cheated on his taxes.

So the bees were only partially brought back from the dead. Or partially reincarnated, if you wish: left in their own rotted bodies. They flew out to the dumpster with another, “Zzzzzzzzzz…” and started eating. Apparently they have a taste for nuts.

So take it from me, the dead do not walk or eat brains.

But they do fly and “have a ball” eating.

There are no such thing as “zombies.”

Just Zzzzzzzzz OM bees.
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Ye Ode Scribe
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