You Might Be A Teabagger If…
1) You’re offended at any suggestion that the Tea Party is racist, even though nobody objects when people show up at your rallies with blatantly racist signs and slogans.
2) Ronald Reagan is your hero because he was against raising taxes and big government… even though he raised taxes 11 times, doubled the national debt, and tripled the size of government.
3) You mocked Nancy Pelosi for getting emotional when she reflected on the murder of her friend, Mayor George Mosconi, but you think it’s manly when John Boehner blubbers when he watches reruns of Flipper.
4) You were all in favor of George Bush bringing “Democracy” to Iraq by invading and killing hundreds of thousands of women and children, but you think Obama “blew it” by staying out of it when the people of Tunisia and Egypt toppled their dictators in popular revolts.
5) You think Climate Change is a big hoax because Senator James Inhofe, firmly in the pocket of the oil companies says it’s bogus.
6) You think president Obama’s birth certificate is a forgery, and that he managed to fool the CIA, FBI, NSA, Secret Service and the entire US government archive of documents with one Photoshopped image.
7) You think president Obama is a socialist, because he wants all Americans to pay their share of taxes, including the rich, and all Americans to enjoy the same benefits of an equitable society, including the same healthcare that Congress enjoys.
8 ) You think Glenn Beck’s theory of a Code Pink/Muslim/Communist alliance conspiracy to take over the world in a 21st Century caliphate makes perfect sense.
9) You believe the Citizens United decision was all about corporate “free speech,” yet you’re against the Fairness Doctrine being reenacted, because you think it’s contrary to “free speech.”
10) You are absolutely pro-life, under all circumstances — except when an abortion doctor is executed in his church, because he asked for it.
11) You thought it was cool when Sarah Palin “targeted” Democratic seats on her website with crosshairs, including Gaby Giffords. But when Giffords was shot in Arizona, you didn’t see any connection.
12) You think Sarah Palin would make a good president because she’s a feisty conservative, but that Diane Feinstein should be run out of town, because she’s a feisty liberal.
13) You think George Soros, a Hungarian born American citizen, is an enemy of freedom because he uses his vast wealth to meddle in foreign affairs. But you think it’s great that Rupert Murdoch, an Australian citizen, uses his vast wealth to meddle in American affairs.
14) The main reason you despise George Soros, is because he helped bring down three foreign governments; the Ukraine, Czechoslovakia, and Soviet Georgia. Three communist regimes. Ronald Reagan on the other hand, took down one communist regime: Grenada… Reagan: 1, Soros: 3. Ergo, Soros is an un-American commie. Besides, Sean Hannity said so.
15) You think being a Teabagger makes you more patriotic than liberals, because you own more guns than them wussies.
16) You screamed bloody murder when president Obama rescued GM and Chrysler, because they were “going to fail anyway.” But now that they’re both on the road to recovery, you think George W. Bush deserves most of the credit.
17) When Barack Obama was sworn in, the Dow Jones was at 6500. Today, it’s at 12,400, almost double where it was. And at that time, the economy was shedding 700,000 jobs per month, a trend that has been arrested and reversed ever since. From that, you deduce Obama’s the one who wrecked the economy.
18) You still believe Saddam had WMDs.
19) You are dead-set against “judicial activist” judges, but you were okay with it when the five conservative justices of the Supreme Court voted in favor of Citizens United, effectively guaranteeing our politicians will be bought by the highest bidder, rather than elected by the people.
20) You’re strongly opposed to gay rights, because you claim it’s not biblical. Except in the case of Ken Mehlman, Mary Cheney, and Ted Haggard, because they still vote “right” on the issues.
21) You want all illegal immigrants rounded up and deported, ASAP, no exceptions, period, period, PERIOD. But you don’t want any criminal charges filed against the corporations that have been hiring them en masse in violation of law.
22) One of your stated concerns with Barack Obama’s candidacy, was that he was too inexperienced for the job, yet you want Sarah Palin to challenge him next year.
23) You hate tax cheats, and people who abuse their status for personal advancement — but you admire Clarence Thomas, and have no problem with his wife “speaking on behalf of her husband” at the Heritage Foundation, a far right-wing organization.
24) You went ballistic when an illegal immigrant murdered an American in Texas two years ago, and you demanded justice. But when three members connected to the Tea Party murdered 9 year old Brisenia Flores, you and your right-wing media barely even mentioned it, nor the conviction.
25) You equate being a “community organizer” to being a Marxist, yet you claim to worship a God whose entire life was being a community organizer.
26) You claim Barack Obama is soft of terrorism and that he’s sympathetic to Muslim extremists. Yet during his first two years in office, his administration captured or killed more terrorists than George Bush did in all eight years of his presidency.
27) You cheered as Andrew Breitbart and his faux journalists brought down ACORN. But when Breitbart got caught doctoring footage of Shirley Sherrod, which brought into question his veracity, you accused her of waging a “race war.”
28) You support Israel’s policies regarding the West Bank and Gaza, because Israel is a democracy, like us. But when Arabs democratically voted in anti-American and anti-Israeli governments, it bewildered you.
29) Your spiritual hero, the Grande Dame of the conservative movement, is Ayn Rand; the dedicated anti-socialist. And yet, she herself in her later years, had no problem secretly cashing in on social security and Medicare.
30) You still think fascism and socialism are the same thing, because Glenn Beck has convinced you of that with his magic blackboard. This way, nobody can accuse you of being similar to the Nazis… even though you are.