Tag Archives: 30K Speeches

The Tattlesnake Even Kids Know Bristol’s Bunkum Isn’t Worth 30K Edition

“Bristol Palin will earn $30,000 per speech to talk about getting knocked up!”
— The Zeitgeisty Report, May 18, 2010.

Mom picked up her precocious 8-year-old daughter from school and, on the drive home, as was their custom, she told Mom how her day went.

About once a month, daughter’s teacher presented her class with the question, ‘If you could be anyone, who would you be and why?’ and that was the big event of this school day

“Oh,” Mom said pleasantly, “and who did you want to be?”

“Bristol Palin.”

For a fleeting instant, Mom fought back a strong urge to stop the car and throttle her progeny while cursing the kid’s pinheaded Republican grandfather on her father’s side. Instead, she asked calmly:

“Uh, do you mean Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol?”

Daughter toyed absentmindedly with a shoulder strap on her neon pink knapsack, “Yeah.”

“Why would you want to be Bristol Palin?”

“It said on the news she was going to get $30 thousand dollars a speech. She doesn’t know anything, so I thought I could get a hundred times that much for a speech ’cause I know more stuff now than she does and I won’t have to have a baby or hang around with her awful mother to get the job.”

Mom laughed, amused and relieved: At least her only daughter could always make a living as a stand-up comic.

2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.