Tag Archives: BP Oil Disaster

The News Pauper: The Only Thing Youll Ever Need to Know

By W.B. Dunne

Oh, how the News Pauper regrets being able to think critically! My time would be so much better spent with the masses, speculating aimlessly for hours about how to survive the coming calamities. Should I join a group or enclave of doomers? How much duct tape should I have put aside for my children and grandchildren if the manufacture of such stuff ends suddenly?

In case the reader has missed the sarcasm dripping off the last paragraph, he or she is probably on to the trick and about to ask, “where the hell have you been News Pauper?”

Yes, I have been silent for most of the summer due to an utter inability to join in any discussion that doesnt have to do with the disaster we have made of the Gulf of Mexico!
The only thing that exceeds the depth of the effects of this gargantuan fuck up is the callous way the story has been moved down the page by our crippled press and the collusion of all parties to cover up the true nature of the facts.

I find it fascinating that the reason the press has continued to fail us in such grand style is the unspoken pact between us to ignore the reality that the ocean DYING is going to cause most of us to suffocate when it ceases to produce the oxygen we all breathe. In the story of the planets that exist in the universe, ours would be the impulsive, excessive character that takes down not only himself, but everyone aboard.

In true News Pauper fashion I will opine sans links and trust that the reader inherently accepts my credibility enough to spare me the drudgery of all that cutting and pasting.

The reader perhaps already acknowledges the dire vista we face. We are beyond rescue now, fate has judged us on our actions and we will see our destruction not in a war for resources, starring the haves and the have-notsbut in an egalitarian, slow and horrible suffocation and starvation. We will continue to eat the tainted food and drink the tainted water. We will drown in the rising oceans, which hopefully will be so kind as to not be also burning at the time.

So you see, dear reader, that it matters not a whit what you or I do anymore because we Americans allowed ourselves to be manipulated by these greedy corporate assholes straight away into the Book of Revelations. It is too late for regrets; revenge is pointless. The creatures that succeed us will be too busy scrounging for scraps to wonder where all the detritus came from.

So ends mankinds reign on planet earth.

Never have so few taken so much from so many.

Contact the author at WBDunne@LTSaloon.org

2010 W.B. Dunne. All Rights Reserved.

The Tattlesnake Is Gore Gay? GOP Barton Smartin’ and the NV Angle Tangle Edition

— Al Gore sexually assault a woman? I don’t buy it, but this is the tale some Oregon masseuse was trying to sell to the National Enquirer for a cool million, according to Col. Howie Kurtz at the WaHoPo. As a mantra of fact, my friend who has very advanced ‘gaydar’ she called out Ted Haggard months before it was revealed he was regularly visiting a male prostitute and snorting meth has long thought Al was a closeted gay man, something like Kevin Spacey’s character Jim Williams in “Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil.” She thinks the marital break-up of the Gores probably has more to do with Tipper catching Al with a man than a woman. (And leave us not forget that weird groping public kiss at the Dem Convention in 2000. Awkward? You bet.) Ah, Tipper apparently playing the beard to the last.

— If it were any organization other than the current Dem Party collection of timid halfwits, I’d say Texas Oil Republican Rep. Joe Barton just sunk the GOP in the 2010 elections, but then we’ve seen how often these Washington Jackasses have snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, so let’s not get our hopes up.

In case you’ve been meditating in a cave for the past week (and who could blame you?), here’s what Barton publicly said to BP CEO Tony Hayward during a Congressional hearing:

“I’m ashamed of what happened in the White House yesterday,” said Rep. Joe Barton (R-Tex.) during a hearing on Thursday morning with BP’s CEO Tony Hayward.” I think it is a tragedy in the first proportion that a private corporation can be subjected to what I would characterize as a shakedown — in this case a $20 billion shakedown — with the attorney general of the United States, who is legitimately conducting a criminal investigation and has every right to do so to protect the American people, participating in what amounts to a $20 billion slush fund that’s unprecedented in our nation’s history, which has no legal standing, which I think sets a terrible precedent for our nation’s future.

“I’m only speaking for myself. I’m not speaking for anyone else, but I apologize,” Barton added. “I do not want to live in a county where anytime a citizen or a corporation does something that is legitimately wrong, [it is] subject to some sort of political pressure that, again, in my words, amounts to a shakedown.”
— Sam Stein at Huffington Post, as quoted by Ben Dimiero at Media Matters.

BP and Tony Hayward are less popular than O.J. Simpson and here’s Strokin’ Joe embarrassing himself and his party by apologizing to them. Imagine if the tables were turned and some bubblehead Dem said this the GOP would have it on a tape loop with wall-to-wall negative ads running all over the country and every Republican who popped up on a news show would find a way to mention it ten times. True, the Dems do have an ad up, but they haven’t gone all in yet on linking Barton with the Republicans and particularly pointing out the fact that Joe has yet to be relieved of his position as ranking minority member of the House Committee on Energy and Commerce. After initially renouncing Barton’s goofy apologia, some Republicans are now actually coming to his defense! Gee, that wouldn’t make a bad basis for an ad, either, especially in the Gulf States. But, then, the ‘bipartisan’ Democrats apparently find chasing their tails more attractive than hunting the predator that’s trying to kill them.

— The Angle of Attack on Sharron: You’d think someone who wants to dump Social Security and Medicare (but thus far not in favor of bartering for medical care with chickens, thank God), eliminate the IRS without any plan to replace it (how do we pay off the deficit without collecting taxes, Sharron?), still wants to ‘drill, baby, drill’ even after the BP Gulf disaster, and has ‘shifting’ positions on the prohibition of alcohol and fluoridation of water (among other wacky notions), would be pretty easy to beat in a statewide election. Well, she probably will be as even doddering old bumbler Sen. Harry Reid has finally seen fit to call her “crazy” and run a TV ad showing what a hallucinatory teabag of unfounded WorldNetDaily opinions is his Republican opponent. Reid’s no FDR, but he’s George Burns compared to Sharron Angle’s crazy-crap Christopublican Gracie Allen. Sure, the GOP rinse-and-spin machine is busy trying to make her ready for prime time, but this woman’s a political Lady Gaga at the ballpark who can barely hold her own in Fox-friendly interviews and irritatingly insists on calling any legitimate query regarding what she would actually do as senator a “Gotcha” question. In open debate with Reid, she’d be Sarah Palin without the wink; Dan Quayle without the hairdo; Ronald Reagan without the acting experience. But, since Reid’s a twenty-first century milquetoast Democrat, the election will be closer than it should. Still, I think he’ll pull it out.

2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.