(Thanks to Mitch L. for some of these.)
Whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly.
I’m too old to care anymor.
Corduroy pillows are making headlines!
My short-term memory is not as sharp as it used to be.
Also, my short-term memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
Your karma just ran over my dogma.
In just two days from now, tomorrow will be yesterday!
I have kleptomania —
when it gets really bad,
I take something for it.
Kinky is using a feather.
Perverted is using the whole chicken.
The statement below is true.
The statement above is false.
My other car’s a hybrid: A Chevy Lemon
Baby on board driving
Steal the car — leave the CD player
KENTUCKY: Five million people, fifteen last names
Moon me again and feel the wrath of my water pistol!
Heaven is Where: The police are British; the chefs are Italian; the mechanics are German; the lovers are French, and it’s all organized by the Swiss.
Hell is Where: The police are German; the chefs are British; the mechanics are French; the lovers are Swiss, and it’s all organized by the Italians.