Tag Archives: Corporatism

The Tattlesnake – New Definitions from the Askewed Dictionary Edition

Glimpses Behind the Curtain of Our Blutocracy

“Nothing is over until we decide it is! Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Hell, no!”
Sen. John “Bluto” Blutarsky, from the film “Animal House” (1978).

BACHMANNALIA: 1. The sound wild-eyed gibberish makes in a rubber room. 2. An election-year holiday celebrating the unity of corporate money and gullible voters with sensibilities as squishy as wet teabags. 3. A sexless outdoor orgy in Minnesota in mid-winter, the quintessential Republican idea of how the public should be treated.

BACHMANNLINESS: 1. Putting on your ‘man pants’ backwards, while staring at the wrong camera. 2. Having the balls to misquote the Constitution on national television.

BLUTOCRACY: 1. A plutocracy as operated by Sen. John Blutarsky, the fictional ‘Bluto’ character from the film “Animal House,” and those who are likeminded. 2. The USA today, and not the newspaper. 3. Wall Street week.

BOEHNALITY: 1. Crocodile tears shed by one who is only half-crocked. 2. Pretending you’re in control of something you plainly are not, such as a bus when the steering wheel has come off in your hand. 3. The illusion that you stand for anything beyond your own personal gain and your next putt.

CALIPHATE: 1. In a ten-gallon hat, combine eleven-gallons horse manure with equal parts leftover Cold War fear and carbonated Holy Water; add a hefty scoop of Islamophobia, smother with nuts, and top with a lemon slice carved into the shape of a swastika and a cherry carved into the shape of a star. Strain through Fox News and serve at the temperature at which blood boils.

CONAGRA: 1. What polite Southern Republicans call the only conservative black guy in the county after he’s left the room.

CRAPITALISM: 1. An unregulated form of capitalism practiced by well-dressed carnival pitchmen that turns everything it touches to pure shit, commonly ruining the lives of a few million civilians in the process. 2. The hypotheses adhered to by many of the financial elite that the light at the end of Mr. and Mrs. John Q. Public’s tunnel must always be a privately-owned oncoming train in order for them to prosper. 3. The theory that enough taxpayer money, filtered through a nation’s banks and large corporations, can persuade the political class and the media to do anything, and that much of that money must then be used to prolong the ignorance of the taxpayers from realizing they are financing the scheme.

FOX FIRE: 1. An event that never occurs at Fox News, no matter how inaccurate or disturbed the opinion expressed, unless the speaker happens to slip and tell the truth.

THE GOLDBERG VARIATIONS: 1. The assortment of adjectives, verbs and adverbs Jonah Goldberg uses to, without irony, accuse liberals of fascism and blame them for all of the misery visited on the public in the past 30 years by those who think like Jonah Goldberg.

KOCHAINE: 1. Money secretly doled out by the wealthy to influence public opinion in their favor, opinions which are usually contrary to the public interest or even common sense. 2. The primary addiction of Washington lobbyists and prominent politicians of both parties, causing them to lie, cheat and commit desperate degenerate acts to continue their dependence, that is strangely not included on the DEA’s list of dangerous drugs deserving long prison terms, but certainly should be.

LUNTZTITUTION: 1. The creation of government policy or public outrage based on buzzwords or catch phrases invented by Frank Luntz that have little or no relationship to the reality of the subject; e.g.: describing an orange as a ‘bad apple,’ or a grapefruit as a ‘cancerous lemon,’ or smog as ‘clean air.’ 2. Any doomed political party or corporation that believes such linguistic concoctions are anything more than a thin disguise for its true purpose of picking the public’s pocket or skinning the yokels to the bone.

POLYPSYCHOTIC: 1. Capable of jabbering delirium in more than one medium. 2. The conservative media endlessly parroting the same right-wing talking points.

PROLESSIVISM: 1. “Two For Me and None For You.” A game played by the US Chamber of Congress – excuse me, ‘Commerce’ – their financial backers and various politicians, such as New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie. The point of the game is to convince voters that balancing budgets and lowering taxes for the over-privileged is more important than their jobs, pensions, homes, or eating regular meals. It is akin to the “Sure I’m Jobless and Broke, But at Least I Don’t Have Worry About Bank Overdraft Fees Anymore” game indulged in by millions of less fortunate Americans every day, except much more profitable for the major players.

SOLIPSIMPSONISM: 1. The belief that the best way to clean the ears is by passing a handkerchief through the head while wearing a blindfold and a shoe in one’s mouth. 2. The conviction that unworkable remedies that cause public suffering will resolve budget ills if inartfully expressed at length. From Solipsimpson: A dried-up old boob with 300 million nipples.

“My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.”
Sen. John “Bluto” Blutarsky, from the film “Animal House” (1978).

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

The News Pauper: The Birth of The Cheneyville

By W.B. Dunne

The latest PR motivated, public distracting, demonstration from BP is the unveiling of a real military-camp style recovery village. It is said to be able to accommodate 1500 workers. The NP says we call em all Cheneyvilles, because if this is going to be a serious attempt at responding and not some act for the cameras, were going to need lots and lots of them all across the coast.

Have you ever lived in a bunkhouse? The NP has toured North America in the relative luxury of a crew coach with eight bunks and a stateroom, and hated the claustrophobic feel of the coffin-sized bunks. The bunkhouses sleep 24, but somehow it doesnt sound like a slumber party. BP stated that the camp could be in action for up to six monthsso now we know how completely delusional the home office must be to try to resurrect the Friedman unit we used to measure the success of the surges in Iraq! Is this the subtlety we can expect from BPs new spokesie, Mr. Suttle? The NP wonders aloud which Halliburton contractor is electrifying the showers.

From Wikipedia: Potemkin villages is a fixed phrase based on a historical myth. According to the myth, there were fake settlements purportedly erected at the direction of Russian minister Grigory Potyomkin to fool Empress Catherine II during her visit to Crimea in 1787. According to this story, Potyomkin, who led the Crimean military campaign, had hollow facades of villages constructed along the desolate banks of the Dnieper River in order to impress the monarch and her travel party with the value of her new conquests, thus enhancing his standing in the empress’ eyes.”

Add this dynamic to the lockdown on the First Amendment were experiencing in the Gulf and we have a real fairy tale to call our own, dont we? The hollow fa栤e is democracy and free press in this instance. The GOP is releasing statements that they are gleeful about the polls and press theyve gotten in the wake of thismeaning they think they are already breaking Obamawhich is why they exist, apparently. Expect the GOP to claim credit in the celebrations revolving around the capping of the well. They are expecting the bounce to catapult them into a majority come November.

BPs sociopathic tendencies are going to kill countless clean-up workers with their half assed, stock-price driven, photo-op methods. Count on it. Benzene seeps into the skin and eyes, the health of every American will be compromised in waves of poisonous rain, and all we see BP doing is attempting to limit their liability.

What more evidence is necessary to convict this culprit and its accessories and take them to the cleaners? How in the hell can we let them continue to poison us literally after this demonstration of utter irresponsibility? The entire paper trail indicates that what they submitted to the government as a safety policy was falsified from pure fantasy!

The NP wants more images of the poor, mired-in-oil birds that are being destroyed by this event. The NP wants smell-o-vision of the thousands of dead fish frying on the beaches of Louisiana and Alabama. Any politician that votes against the punishment these creeps have coming should be forced to join them in the dock!

I will go to my grave hating the greedy bastards that are attempting to shift the blame that belongs to Bush and Cheney onto Barack Obama. If the GOP is allowed to capitalize on this, I will join the tin foil hat crowd and believe that the well was purposely destroyed. If I lived in a Gulf state I would never vote Republican as long as I lived after the representation I had received that enabled this catastrophe to occur!

The press coverage on this has been predictably dismal, degenerating into a posture-fest on all sides. The press covers the guilty side blaming the victim side in a disgusting immoral negligence of the facts in the case. The ongoing destruction of the way of life that generations of Gulf Coast residents have learned to love commands a response nothing short of military. We need to reclaim our authority over these devils and crush them, they believe that they are exempt from the humanity for some reason, this belief must be corrected.

God help us citizens, we are doomed if you dont.

Cheneyvilles

What better to call a town brought into being by the greed and incompetence and corruption of Dick Cheney? An overcrowded, oily, hot, hope-abandoned nightmare, populated with the cast-off detritus of the Souths cities unemployed masses underpaid expendables collecting day after day the toxic sludge that greets each morning and produces first fruits of oily death for fish and birds and people.

Had enough?

Contact the author at WBDunne@ltsaloon.org

2010 WB Dunne. All Rights Reserved.

News of the Future, Rand Paul Edition

Sen. Rand Paul Dead; Author of Controversial Bill

Special to the Louisville Courier-Journal
July 5, 2014

Sen. Rand Paul (R-KY) died yesterday afternoon from food poisoning that investigators say he contracted from contaminated meat at his favorite Washington restaurant, the exclusive Le Petomane. Autopsy results concurred that the filet mignon cooked medium-rare consumed by Sen. Paul contained large amounts of deadly E-coli bacteria.

Sen. Paul will be remembered for co-sponsoring, with Representative Michele Bachmann (R-MN), the controversial Paul-Bachmann Restoring Our American Freedoms Act that, as well as allowing racial segregation in private businesses open to the public once again, also eliminated the Dept. of Agriculture and ended government inspection of meat and other food products. President Palin signed the act into law just a month before Sen. Paul’s untimely death.

The Senator’s life might yet have been saved, but public ambulance service was discontinued following passage of last year’s Republican-sponsored National Personal Responsibility Act, which Sen. Paul also avidly supported. A spokesman for Paul’s office said he had forgotten to renew his private ambulance subscription due to his hectic Senate schedule. Instead, a very ill Sen. Paul was put into a cab by his wife and died in transit to the hospital, stuck in rush-hour traffic made worse by the crumbling roads that have not been repaired by their new private corporate owners.

In lieu of flowers, the family asks that a donation be made to the Club For Growth’s Accidents Happen Fund. Private services will be held Wednesday at the Exxon-Mobil Memorial Cemetery in Louisville.

2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

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