Emergency Room log entries from various sources, purported to be on the up-and-up:
— Patient admitted ER with self-inflicted gunshot wound to left palm. (He was testing to see if gun was loaded!) Police are going to arrest him for unregistered weapon that he brought to ER with him. He wanted cops to check and see if gun was working properly!
— Patient’s abdominal discomfort caused by overeating. He was trying to set the world record for Big Mac consumption. He downed 12 before he got sick.
— He was admitted with complaints of ‘burning mouth’ after eating a jar of jalapeno peppers. We’ll wait for lab results to determine if that’s the cause.
— This woman is 80 and says she hasn’t had a period in 30 years. She hasn’t had one now. She sat on some spilled hot sauce in her underwear.
— The patient has no previous history of suicides.
— Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.
— Genital examination reveals that he is circus sized.