Tag Archives: Emergency Room

Caught in the Internet: Emergency Room Cases

Just a little Sunday fun-day stuff, strictly for laughs:

E.R. Cases

“Every day, people come in and you just think, ‘You gotta be kidding me’,” says a Florida emergency room doctor. “I mean, what makes a guy think using a fish hook to clean out ear wax is a good idea?”

With that, some information about why people go to the E.R. in the United States, as purportedly collected by the U.S. Consumer Product Safety Commission.

— In 2001, a 33-year-old man suffered severe burns after dropping a lit cigarette into toilet filled with oil and water on which he was sitting. Girlfriend was trying to surprise him for birthday by cleaning his motorcycle and dumped old oil and gas-soaked rags in toilet. He was surprised.

— In 2001, a 40-year-old woman complained of severe discomfort after using barbecue grill lighter fluid as feminine hygiene product. Claimed she was “freshening up” before backyard party.

— In 2002, a 59-year-old man shot wife’s foot with .22-caliber rifle after mistaking her ‘bunny head’ bedroom slippers for ‘varmint’ at 3:AM. Foot was only grazed.

— In 2002: “Patient is stable and recovering well after literally catching a bus. Patient grabbed back bumper and was dragged over two blocks before driver noticed him and stopped. Patient said he was late for work, but would try a different route next time instead.”

— In 2003, a 44-year-old father was treated for broken bones from a fall off a garage roof after he tried to parasail using old shower curtain. Was “showing two sons principles of aeronautics.”

— In 2004, a 24-year-old woman said she slipped in the shower — when she stepped on a basketball.

Read more

The Tattlesnake ‘True’ Tales From the ER Edition

Emergency Room log entries from various sources, purported to be on the up-and-up:

— Patient admitted ER with self-inflicted gunshot wound to left palm. (He was testing to see if gun was loaded!) Police are going to arrest him for unregistered weapon that he brought to ER with him. He wanted cops to check and see if gun was working properly!

— Patient’s abdominal discomfort caused by overeating. He was trying to set the world record for Big Mac consumption. He downed 12 before he got sick.

— He was admitted with complaints of ‘burning mouth’ after eating a jar of jalapeno peppers. We’ll wait for lab results to determine if that’s the cause.

— This woman is 80 and says she hasn’t had a period in 30 years. She hasn’t had one now. She sat on some spilled hot sauce in her underwear.

— The patient has no previous history of suicides.

— Patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

— Genital examination reveals that he is circus sized.

Read more