Tag Archives: Nigerian Underpants Terrorist

The News Pauper: The Year 2009

By W.B. Dunne

The News Pauper hails the departure of a very bad year! This pathetic span that has just passed has stood alone in its grotesque ridiculousness. From the advent of the Sarahcuda to the appropriation of the word teabagging for something nowhere near as fun as what the original indicated2009 held its own as king of the aughts! The New Year’s Eve eve news that Rush Limbaugh was hospitalized just seems too contrived to be realthe story of the Nigerian with the unfortunate handle the underpants terrorist also stinks of conspiracy. Do I smell yellowcake?

It is a season of reflection and prognostication for the whole of humanity. It bears tolerance then, for my first prediction, which is not really a prediction at all, but mere common sense. The NP thinks that El Rushbo shall be ministering to his Dittoheads in record time. He will reap a huge surge of ratings and reclaim his share from the upstart Beck. This entire affair is as sleazy a ratings game as ever has been. I await with great anticipation these two massive vanities, two titanic Asses, vying for the action in the footlights. Diva a Diva. Rushs first show back will feature the crucifixion of the liberal website commenters. He will claim that the left is as vicious as the right and that he is justified in hating first, due to the (earned) hatred in the remarks of his detractors regarding his attack. I will watch with intense delight, because the fight that ensues will occur between the teabaggers themselves, and will weaken them further.

There are other indicators that the NP sees with his swell-trained eye. The idea that the next decade of the millennia will surpass the last in its degeneracy has already been brought up, so the NP feels little compunction in calling bullshit! It will get worse alright, for the dinosaurs of the last century that cling to life along the margins of the aged and under-informed. There is a new day dawning for responsible leadership and the involvement of the populace that it will spawn. We are witnessing the passing of the retrograde fearmongering and incompetence, and the reversal of the degradation of our discourse.

Our economy has been showing some signs of life, our congress has been showing some fear of reprisal. Our corporations have shown some pangs of conscience, our discourse has shown some progress. The distance we have come in one short year with a president in office who, in spite of the task, demonstrates a level of diligence his predecessor wouldnt comprehend, gives the NP such hope and succor that is hard to be grateful enough. The way that this leader measures up when the tough calls of the past year have had to be made, reinforces my belief that America will absorb the lessons of the past decade and thrive from the rejection of the policies of hypocrisy espoused by those who would happily destroy her. Our enemies are not without; they are within.

Finally, it would be an oversight not to make a hopeful new year wish that something comes along to silence forever the maw that is Dick Cheney. If any one man deserves the burden of the blame for all the hardship this American ideal has experienced it would be him. His avarice and ambition has landed him in an ideological prison as secure and inescapable as any Supermax. His servitude to the Bush familys depraved dealings earns him his own special mark. He is Gollum, and into the fire he must eventually go.

Remember dear readers, that in spite of what TMZ says, in spite of the false flags and the fried pipers, progress marches along imperceptibly until we all arrive in the utopia of true harmonyfailing that we shall all be hit by a massive asteroid.

Contact the author at WBDunne@ltsaloon.org

2009 WB Dunne. All Rights Reserved.