Tag Archives: October Surprise

The Tattlesnake Electoral Enigmas and Other Wacky Weirdness Edition

Laugh-a-bull: McCain’s top pollster Bill McInturff appeared on MSNBC with Chuck “Not Related to Crazy Ashley” Todd on Halloween. To put it politely, McInturff was pissing up a rope trying to sell some bizarre notion that this election is somehow similar to 1984 and 1996 and is tightening up to the point that McPalin can pull off a win. Hell-o, Bill both those years featured a popular incumbent peacetime president and an economy that wasn’t crashing to the ground and taking a devastated middle class with it. He also blabbered on inanely about armies of older, rural white voters crawling to the polls to catapult Wrinkles and the Winker into the Oval Office. This is big-box absurd the majority of Americans, some 80 percent, live in or near a city there aren’t enough rural voters, even if every single one voted for Mac and Cheesy, to elect him as president. Todd can be commended for keeping a straight face during McInturff’s lunatic raving, no doubt designed to buck up the flagging morale of the depressed Republican base. (Hey, Bill, poll this: Obama’s a point behind McCain in his home state of Arizona four days before the election.)

Laugh-a-bull Two: What if the polls showed Bush the Junior suddenly popular with independent and undecided voters? McCain would be rushing to the nearest microphone, “My friends, I’d like to remind you that I voted with President Bush 92 percent of the time and Governor Palin and I embrace all of his wonderful policies! Why, I’m just like him!” with the High-Heeled Sneaker nodding in agreement, “Oh, you betcha! President Bush is the original maverick all right!”

Think About It: What if Obama had picked a vacuous lightweight like Sarah Palin? Imagine what the Sunday Morning Punditrocracy would be bloviating about then: “Unquestionably, Sen. Obama has shown very little regard for the American people and the office of the presidency with his vice presidential pick.” “Absolutely, George. It shows an unbelievable contempt for the public and reflects very badly on his judgment — it points up a total lack of maturity to do the job!” “And I understand he only interviewed her for an hour before choosing her!” “Simply incredible. I think with this rash and foolish decision, Sen. Obama has demonstrated he would be an extremely dangerous choice for president in these times of national crisis!” “You won’t find any disagreement with that on this panel, Cokie. We’ll be back after these messages.”

BTW: Who is paying for ‘average working guy with a publicist’ Joe the Plumber to bop around to McCain rallies and how did a $42,000-a-year plumber’s helper (he doesn’t have an Ohio plumber’s license) get so much time off from work to gobble to the media his self-confessed ignorant opinions and pursue his pre-failed country music singing career? (What will be his first release, “Take This Job and Shove It”?) Inquiring minds want to know.

Disappointed? Where was our October Surprise this year? (And I was planning a party, too.) No tapes from Bin Laden saying, “I am your father, Barack”; no false flag attacks on Castro Street in SF; no sudden end to the Iraq disaster, “See, The Surge worked we won!”; no nothing. Did some Bushophile slip up, or is the stage being set for Brother Jeb in 2012 after McPalin is buried in a landslide?

What Say You? Bill Clinton runs for Governor of New York while Obama nominates Hillary to the Supreme Court? Big Dog Bubba has a political jones that won’t be satisfied loafing around the house, going on the lecture circuit, or traveling around as ambassador-at-large he needs an elected office and he wouldn’t mind making history as the first president who also served as governor of two different states.