More great satire from William K. Wolfrum and his Chronicles.
Jesus H. Christ Cancels Healing Insurance For the Poor
JERUSALEM Reported Messiah Jesus H. Christ has long been known for his hands-on approach to health care, especially when it came to the neediest amongst us. For many in the surrounding area, Christs talented hands were as close to health insurance as they could afford. But no more.
Following disappointing third-quarter projections, Christ has announced that he will only heal those that are both pure of heart and financially stable.
This is not a socialist regime, said Christ. First and foremost, Im a capitalist. And look at me, Im wearing dirty robes and cant afford a decent razor. This has become an unsustainable action.
Following a meeting with his followers, as well as industry lobbyists, Christ announced that he will no longer be giving humans the gift of health — unless they keep up with monthly premiums and co-pays.
…reproduced in full. A toast to Mr. Wolfrum for hitting these nails squarely on their empty heads.
New Poll: 80% of Americans would give up breathing if it helped corporations make more money
by William K. Wolfrum
from his blog William K. Wolfrum Chronicles
SOUTH CAROLINA – A stunning new poll by William K. Wolfrum & Associates shows that nearly 80 percent of all Americans would stop breathing right now if a major corporation gave that order.
The poll – which was based on looking into how Americans will gladly vote against their own self interests – made several other discoveries, including:
By W.B. Dunne
One of the main things the News Pauper enjoys most about the Obama administration is the way that they seem to espouse some of the policy of the previous administration. This puts the bad guys in a very bad place. The same parties that have been supportive of the folly of the last administration are going to be fighting tooth and nail against those powers in the hands of the new one. He is underscoring in loud tones the hypocrisy of these people, as well as exposing the shortsightedness of the policy.
Keep up the good work, Barack.
This has been quite a year for the News Pauper. Seeing the dreaded Neocons put down like the rabid animals they are was the kicker, and it seems each day brings another humiliation for those responsible for the troubles we find ourselves in today. I love the holy rollers being forced to reckon with the kind of reprobates theyve elected, demonstrated most perfectly by the disappearing act of South Carolinas Mark Sanford. If he resigns as governor, we win. If he does not resign, we win again. Hell be held up as he should be as the epitome of the double standard of justice and the moral bankruptcy of the GOP in general. I love seeing the GOP and the political right wing of our system in this terrible fix, and I look forward every day to what will crop up next in this celebration of decay and retribution.
Unfortunately, even with Obama as president, many Democrats still cower when the crazy Republicans crack the whip or line up when the corporations send in the lobbyists to hand out money. Although I don’t completely agree with Maher’s ideas on gun control, I’m onboard for the rest of his litany.
“Shouldn’t there be one party that unambiguously supports cutting the military budget, a party that is straight up in favor of gun control, gay marriage, higher taxes on the rich, universal health care, legalizing pot, and steep direct taxing of polluters? …What we need is an actual progressive party to represent the millions of Americans who aren’t being served by the Democrats, because bottom line: Democrats are the new Republicans.”
— Bill Maher, “Democrats Have Moved to the Right and the Right Has Moved Into a Mental Hospital,” Huffington Post, June 21, 2009.