Tag Archives: Terrorism

What a Difference Two Words Make

Al-Qaeda operatives attack several states in the southern US, causing the deaths of 11 Americans outright, poisoning many others, destroying fishing, tourism and other businesses for generations to come and costing America billions of dollars. CIA spy satellites immediately identify the Al-Qaeda home base that masterminded and launched the attack, and bipartisan voices are raised in Congress and throughout the land demanding the president call in air strikes to destroy the base and send in the Marines to kill off any terrorists left alive. With the world’s support, President Obama acts that very day, ordering the military to bomb the Al-Qaeda base ‘back to the Stone Age’ and putting the Marines on alert. “I will not sit still,” says President Obama in a speech to the nation, “While organizations that plot and profit from destructive acts and cause vast devastation to our nation exist and thrive. We will take every available course of action to put them out of business permanently.”

Replace ‘Al-Qaeda’ with ‘British Petroleum’ and it makes all the difference, doesn’t it?

2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

TSA Chief Urges Underwear Ban on Some Flights

TSA Chief Urges Underwear Ban on Some Flights

By Rance Sidhanes
AP Staff Writer
December 31, 2009

WASHINGTON — At a press conference this afternoon, Transportation Security Administration Acting Director Wilton Pohl told reporters he would “favor a ban on underwear” on domestic flights lasting over one hour and all international flights to protect Americans from future terrorist attacks.

“It would be a simple and inexpensive matter to enforce,” Pohl said, reacting to the alleged Christmas Day airliner bombing attempt by suspected al-Qaida operative Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab. “Passengers could either arrive at the airport without underwear, or TSA marshals could collect their underwear in sanitary bags at the point of departure, and the passengers would get their underwear back at their destination.”

Asked if some Americans might stop flying if they had to do so without underwear, Pohl replied, “I don’t think this will be a major problem I often go without wearing underwear myself — but for those passengers who feel uncomfortable, we would issue temporary paper underwear. Once the people are aware of how vital this program is to our national security, I’m confident any objections will cease.”

Questioned as to what undergarments would be banned, Pohl said, “Boxers, briefs, pantyhose, long john’s, anything where a bomb could be concealed. Thongs, I don’t know they may be too small to worry about, although, for the sake of consistency, they will be prohibited too.”

Contacted for comment, Department of Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano said, “Mr. Pohl’s credentials in this area are spotless. If he says we need this, then I take him at his word. Though it may sound funny to say, it’s true: we can’t have any more exploding underwear incidents aboard our airliners. Mr. Pohl’s program would make sure of that.”

House Minority Leader John Boehner (R-OH) objected to the proposal, “This is more of Obama’s socialism marching right into your underwear. Next the Democrat Party will have Americans taking airplanes buck-naked. We need a change in this country, but not of our underwear.”

The in-flight underwear ban, which does not require a full Congressional vote, could go into effect as early as February 2010, if approved by the House and Senate Homeland Security committees.

2009 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

The News Pauper: Cheney is a Dick

By W.B. Dunne

In a way, the NP feels pangs of Christian sympathy for Cheney the Dicks daughter, Liz. Imagine being bred in such an environment as the one that the unfortunate Ms. Cheney was reared. Imagine the resulting mental trauma of coming of age and discovering that your father was among the worst human beings ever seen.

It is wondrous to me that a personality can be subdued to the extent of Liz Cheneys. In an attempt to capitalize on Eric Holders announcement that the Guantanamo inmates will finally see a judge, Liz went on Fox News to reach a new low in obfuscation of crime. Dick Cheney has so taken over his daughters independent thought that it would not surprise the NP in the slightest to discover that her real brain is in a vat somewhere, or that cloning is real and Dick has doubled his lifespan by installing his cloned hatred in his daughters handy corpse. Listening to this poor woman speak, I am reminded of a terrified 3-year-old trying to not incur the wrath of an abusive parent.

So, in addition to being a war criminal and traitor to his country, Dick Cheney will also to be able to claim the credit for all the damage he has imposed on his own flesh and blood. Dick Cheneys madness, his deep need for the blood of innocents, will be remembered for its ghoulish excesses alongside the worst of historys tyrants.

Such extremes of rhetoric can only imply a pervasive panic among the responsible, the Cheney’s in particular. They have all seen their comfortable margins evaporate. The cover that used to be there has inexplicably thinned to a veneer.

No doubt there is more to comewhen the day finally arrives that the book is closed on the Cheney chapter of American history, our mirage of exceptionalism will disappear forever.

Viva Obama! This is turning out to be a great year.

Contact the author at WBDunne@ltsaloon.org.

2009 W.B. Dunne. All Rights Reserved.

Today’s Quote: Cheney’s Sickly Sweet Smell of Success

“Did it [torture] produce the desired results? I think it did
“Khalid Sheikh Mohammed … provided us with a wealth of information. There was a period of time there, three or fours years ago, when about half of everything we knew about al Qaeda came from that one source.
“So it’s been a remarkably successful effort ”
— Dick Cheney, as quoted by CNN, April 23, 2009.

So remarkably successful they couldn’t find Osama bin Laden nor break up the al-Qaeda camps in Pakistan. Waterboarding KSM 183 times sure did defeat the terrorist threat, didn’t it, Dick, the same threat the Republicans are still crying about.