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Satan Responds to Pat Robertson on Haiti

One of the best, and funniest, responses to crazy-coot Pat Robertson’s dingbat allegation that Haitians made a pact with the devil (see video below) comes by way of the Letters to the Editor section of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune and was written by Lily Coyle of Minneapolis.

Dear Pat Robertson,

I know that you know that all press is good press, so I appreciate the shout-out. And you make God look like a big mean bully who kicks people when they are down, so I’m all over that action. But when you say that Haiti has made a pact with me, it is totally humiliating. I may be evil incarnate, but I’m no welcher.

The way you put it, making a deal with me leaves folks desperate and impoverished. Sure, in the afterlife, but when I strike bargains with people, they first get something here on earth — glamour, beauty, talent, wealth, fame, glory, a golden fiddle. Those Haitians have nothing, and I mean nothing. And that was before the earthquake.

Haven’t you seen “Crossroads”? Or “Damn Yankees”? If I had a thing going with Haiti, there’d be lots of banks, skyscrapers, SUVs, exclusive night clubs, Botox — that kind of thing. An 80 percent poverty rate is so not my style. Nothing against it — I’m just saying: Not how I roll.

You’re doing great work, Pat, and I don’t want to clip your wings — just, come on, you’re making me look bad. And not the good kind of bad. Keep blaming God. That’s working. But leave me out of it, please. Or we may need to renegotiate your own contract.

Best, Satan

Michele Bachmann’s Wacky ‘School Sex Clinics’

Cartoon Bachmann Sex Clinics

“Can you believe this, Mr. Speaker? Let’s put sex clinics in our schools, and let’s put Planned Parenthood in charge of these sex clinics, because the bill requires under this provision, Planned Parenthood would be authorized to serve as a sponsoring facility for the Nation’s schools.”
— Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Kookooland) on the House floor, Sept. 30, 2009.

Debunking:
“We see no language in the three main versions of the bill that would allow school-based clinics, which have a long history of providing basic health services to underprivileged students, to provide abortions. Nor would the clinics even be new they have been around for three decades. So we rate the claim Pants on Fire!”
— PolitiFact.com’s Truth-O-Meter.