An Open Letter to My Democratic Spammer

William Rivers Pitt's picture

It wasn’t the end of the world, as it turns out. It was, in fact, the master plan of some fundraiser fuzzwit for the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee, who decided the thing to do is to scream manically into every email address available using panic-riddled headlines designed to make you click them open, because Jesus, what if?

“Terrible News (JUST NOW).” Oh, no, what happened?

“CANCEL NOTICE.” What didn’t I pay for?

“TRAGIC Conclusion.” Oh God, who died?

Probably 300 emails like this in my in-box since the weekend, one after the other prophesying calamity…unless I gave $5 to the Democrats.

Here’s a memo to whoever came up with this particularly obnoxious fundraising tactic: You suck. I hope you get fired with such velocity that you can’t even get a job drowning puppies in a kill shelter.

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