Ye Olde Scribe Presents: One Hell of a Monster Story

Once upon a former less than fascistic country there was a mythical Monster called Free Enterprise. No relation to the good spaceship Enterprise, or the graffiti some damn alien from the Fast and Furious (again?) Vin Diesel quadrant did on her hull when the first officer’s casket hit it after being ejected in Trek III: “XXX marks the… Spock.” (What? Don’t remember that movie? Majel Barrett-Roddenberry brand computer-like mind saying, “Searching, searching, searching for ‘Spock?'”)

Our mythical Monster was the favorite pet of the deluded Neo Con class who had gained much power over the years. They declared that their pet should go amongst society without collar, leash, and his droppings should be left everywhere. Stepping in his droppings, they claimed, only made everyone smell better. Kind of like carrion does if another dog smells it. That kind of thing really does; even in Ireland, O’cur. (Which explains why another man with his Irish constantly up smells so bad; “Mr.” O’Lielly.)

Now like all myths, Free Enterprise had some basis in reality. The Neos; no relation to May Trick’s son: Thomas A. Anderson… the result of one too many computer generated trick that was turned. Again, the Neos, having no powers except to really suck at everything, or wish to stop anything evil, did have a pet. It was called “Economy.” The same “pet” we all have. What one does with the economy is, of course, a matter of opinion. But Mankind; being less than kind, had created models that they too often turned into monsters: like Socialism, Communism, Feudalism, Chaos-ism… invented by one Maxwell NotsoSmart, and Hedonism: where we all have sex for money. (Unlike Herdonism where we won’t have sex because we constantly have conveniently sheepish headaches… except with George, Peter, Ron, some “John:” anybody but “Ewe.”) Normally models were kept on a leash and interbred to find the best mix. Kind fun to watch, unlike looking at sleazy Victoria Has No Damn “Secrets” stuff. More like a dog show for mutts, which tend to be smarter and more resilient than purebreds anyway. But Neos insisted the economy be kept “pure:” with no controls, rules, regulations, no listing of ingredients… and especially no interbreeding. They probably got this SHEET from their intellectual forefathers, the KKK.

And as we know Neo icon Lush Dimbulb’s sheet must not stink. After all, that’s all part of his makeup as a bitch for the Neos and their forefathers. Because we all know the KKK “sheets” white.

If the Neo pets pooped, everyone had to stepped into what was starting to show up everywhere. If they died and everyone tripped over them: we had to put up with the stench. As these things tend to do, there came a time when there was so much stench, so much poop, almost everyone was out of work, getting sick and dying from the various parasites like the Loan/Bank Industry parasite or Paris Hilton, or the We Only Want To Make Big Gas Guzzlers virus. We were all (mostly) in the same boat, we were told by them that we must never, ever bail the economic boat… no matter how fast we’re sinking in that stinking swamp called Alissa Zinovievna Rosenbaum. (Which is, of course, AYN-other story, and Scribe would RAND-er not discuss that now.)

The more religious-based Neo Nuts had a theory about why all this was happening. Most of the different factions of humanity were “sinful, evil, no-goodniks, condemned to Hell… who most likely worshiped themselves and Satan. Unfortunately, in one case: one “faction,” really IS that evil. They were right. The problem is: WE HAVE TO GO TO HELL WITH THEM.