Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Just a Lil Bit O’ a Rewrite

You’ve been good boys, girls and world conquering gerbils this week, so spankings will cease. For now. YOS has decided to ghost where he has never ghost before… adding a post-Halloween twist to the week: two YOS postings. BOO!!!!!!!!!!

Links to Oblivion and Other Fun Places
“Surfing the net at the speed of Dracula sucking the blood out of a baby chipmunk.”

Have you been to Dickipedia yet? Here’s an extra chunky size Lorena Bobbit snippet from Lush Dimbulb’s bio…

Personal life

Rush Limbaugh is currently single, but has been married and divorced three times, to a radio station secretary, an usherette at the Royals Stadium Club, and an aerobics instructor, respectively, all of whose willingness to nail the whale apparently didnt last more than a few years until fatty remorse set in. Want to know just what kind of a dick Rush Limbaugh is? His third marriage was performed by Clarence Thomas. At Thomas house.

It also turns out that Rush Limbaugh is a drug addict. In 2003, it came out that Limbaugh was illegally obtaining pain killers oxycodone and hydrocodone. Perhaps he was taking them to kill the pain of having such enormous junk food man-tits. Then in 2006, he was stopped by DEA agents at Palm Beach International Airport, returning from vacation in the Dominican Republic with someone elses prescription Viagra. Ew.

Rush Limbaugh is also famous for smoking cigars. No non-dicks smoke cigars, at least ones that arent filled with indoe.

“Indoe???”

Sounds like a great funhouse. Scribe has applied to join in on the hilarious saneness. That’s the opposite of “madness.”

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Just a Lil Bit O’ a Rewrite

Some weeks Scribe has to just sit back and let the YOS material write itself. Sniff. Sniff. Does Scribe smell an upcumming… (minus McSame. His seed has been dry a LONG time) …election? Oh, splurts of joy!

To prevent lawsuits, and please the gerbils: they wanted Scribe to clean up the place a tad before they shove us into tiny cages next Monday after the conquer us all, Scribe only published half of the news item. Pull up a second screen and compare it yourself, ya lazy bastahd!

WASHINGTON A University of Texas poll to be released today shows Republican presidential candidate John McCain and GOP Sen. John Cornyn leading by comfortable margins in Texas, as expected. But the statewide survey of 550 registered voters has one very surprising finding: 23 percent of Texans are convinced that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is a Muslim.

Obama is a Christian who was embroiled in a controversy earlier this year about his two-decade membership in Chicago’s Trinity United Church of Christ. Yet just 45 percent of those polled identified the Illinois senator as a Protestant.

The Obama-is-a-Muslim confusion is caused by fallacious Internet rumors and radio talk-show gossip. McCain went so far at one of his town hall meetings to grab a microphone from a woman who claimed that Obama was an Arab.

The Texas numbers are unusual because most national polls show that just 5 to 10 percent of Americans still believe Obama is a Muslim less than half the number of Texans who buy into the debunked theories.

The UT poll shows McCain running ahead of Obama statewide, with a 51 percent to 40 percent margin. Cornyn, a first-term Republican from San Antonio, leads Rick Noriega, a state representative from Houston, 45 percent to 36 percent. Another 14 percent of voters remain undecided in the contest.

Rewrite!

WASHINGTON A University of Texas poll to be released today shows Republican presidential candidate John McSame and GOP Sen. John Cornynhole leading by comfortable margarines in Texas, as expected. They love margarine. It provides extra lubrication, and less sores in the nether regions.

But the statewide survey of 550 registered voters has one very surprising finding: 23 percent of Texans are convinced that Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama is a Muslim. 20 percent Atheist. 11 percent a rutabaga. 34 percent laughed themselves silly over the name as they slathered black on their faces, after taking off their white pointy hats. 91 percent said something in Mexican and the ran for the border, tanking 99.9999 percent of Texas-based corporations. And if you have added that all up; finding it’s more that 100 percent, you’re obviously not from Texas… you snotty nosed elitist.

Obama is a Christian, though the cannibal constituency: where we get such statistics, hasn’t agreed what flavor “Christian” he is yet. (“We need more samples,” they’ve cried as they use their vacuum-like noses to suck up dropped cell matter. They have all agreed that Junior is a cross between liver, Brussels sprouts and used motor oil. Their rather tiny, yet sufficient, sample came from his brain matter which spilled forth and splattered upon the floor when he was born.) …(Obama) who was embroiled; not roasted or broasted… in a controversy earlier this year about his two-decade membership in Chicago’s Twin-ity United Church of Christ: an odd faith based on the Olsen Twins being Jesus returned to Earth. One’s Jesus. One’s God. And we can’t see the Holy Spirit. Like most “spirits” he’s invisible… or maybe just too embarrassed to show himself around the other two. Sen. Obama has denounced the minister and his beliefs. He’s also denounced ice cream coated with mustard and ketchup. Yet just 45 percent of those polled identified the Illinois senator as a rather large Protest Ant. Protest Ants are black and protest the fact that humans step on ants all the time. Many Texans believe the Senator; since he is Black too, is here to make us all drones for the nest. These are stinging ants, a talent they learned from watching mini-mini-mini DVD versions of The Sting over, and over, and… On the bright side for these Texans, if what they believe is true, they also believe the ants, whom they think are always hungry; and also are natural mime’s and use that talent to act out The Sting while it plays, will satisfy their hunger by eating Barack when he returns to the nest. They already have predicted when he will return and have declared it “Ant Chew Mime-ahhhhhhhh Day.”

(Yes, that was an anti-anti-Racist joke. Come and get Scribe, ya chicken KKK Neo Con cluckheads.)

The Obama-is-a-Muslim confusion is caused by fallacious Internet rumors and radio talk-show gossip, and people with all the education of, well, a typical Right Wing Texan. McSame went so far at one of his town hall meetings to grab a microphone from a woman who claimed that Obama was an Arab. Then he licked it and said, “I miss you, lollipop.” Lollipop the Slut, the official whore of the McSame campaign seemed angry, but refused to comment…. or put out any more.

The Texas numbers are unusual because most national polls show that just 5 to 10 percent of Americans still believe Obama is a Muslim less than half the number of Texans who buy into the debunked theories. But they’re TEXANS, WTF, did you expect?

The UT poll shows McCain; forgetting to put on his Depends, running ahead of Obama statewide, with a 51 percent to 40 percent margin. The little guys who sweep up after a certain Bullwinkle segment have been seen following him. Cornynhole, a first-term Republican from San Antonio, leads Rick Noriega by a nose. Manuel Noriega is in third. Following up the rear with her nasal whine is Appalling Palin. 14 percent of voters remain undecided in the contest. Yes, the dead do get to vote in Texas, but they ALWAYS end up voting ReTHUGlican.

The poll found that 89 percent of Lone Star State of Mind voters say the country’s economic situation is worse than a year ago. And President Bush and Congress both get record low marks. But they’ll still vote ReTHUGlican. Hey, it’s GODDAMN Texas.

Just 34 percent of Texans approve of Bush’s job performance. But Biggus Dickus has been seen roaming Texas with a shotgun, so that may change. And Congress is even more unpopular: Just 8 percent of Texas voters approve of the work being done on Capitol Hill. Asked about Congress, the most frequent response Right Wing Texans gave was, “I don’t bahlave King Kong should wear a dress. That’s cross dressing. Our crosses deserve better than that. They’re meant for burning on the lawns of people like Mr. ‘I’m a Muslim’ Obama.”

The telephone poll was conducted by the Texas Politics Project and Department of Government at The University of Texas at Austin. The poll was conducted from Oct. 15 to 22, and had a margin of error of 4.2 percentage points. Error. Error. Error. ErrorErrorEr….

(Hey, it’s friggin Texas, folks, where the buffalo rarely roam and these Right Wing Cowboys still long to pork them all day.)