COVID Conspiracy Theory Tangents

Internet shared post. Thanks to Tania Batten

Tania Batten

If I hear one more person go off on conspiracy theory tangents about Covid 19 being a myth, or similar, I might get a little bit wild.

Let’s take a minute to talk about why this is absolutely, f**king, ridiculous.

At no point EVER in the history of the world, have all the governments, of all the countries, of the whole world, got together and gone “hey, can we all agree that there is some kind of plague going on? You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Okay, can we all agree to disagree publicly about the best way to handle it? It’ll seem more realistic this way? You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Okay, can we get all the doctors and nurses etc on board? We’ll need some people to lie about cause of death for at least 700,000 people… you all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Some of you might have to cop a bit of crap, and be pretty much blamed for everything, including who individual idiots choose to shag. You okay with that Dan?”

* Dan nods head

“We’ll need Bill Gates to promote a vaccine that includes a microchip… can someone get Bill on board? You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“We’re gonna call it Corona virus – it’s a real type of virus thing, but can someone check with Cerveceria Modelo if they’re happy for their beer to take a hit when idiots correlate the two? You all okay with that? Mexico? Belgium?”

* all nod heads

“We’ll need to spread the non-existent plague through 5G towers – can someone get the telco’s for every country on board? You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Look, we’re going to need to crash the economy of the whole world – you might cop some flack… you all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“We need a guy to eat a raw bat… we need to have a country to blame….can someone get on that? China? Thanks. You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“After that, we’ll need some ways to spread it – let’s focus mainly on cruise ships and old folks homes – you all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Some weirdos might come out of the woodwork – we’re gonna have to put tinfoil supply into overdrive…. you all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“They’re the ones we want though, okay? Divide and conquer. You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Oh yeah, no leaks, ok? The public can’t know about this…. you all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“We’ll need a coupla high profile celebs on board? They need to be loveable. Can someone check if Tom Hanks is happy to get it and recover? Also, check if Tim Brookes-Taylor is happy to get it and die. You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Now, Trump, you’re gonna have to keep acting like a dickhead, if this is to be believable. America will probably have to have more deaths than most other countries, and it needs to seem like it’s your fault – you okay with that Don?”

* Trump: “Covfefe”

“Awesome. Great that we’re all agreeable. Now, if any of you in the room are currently at war with another country in the room, you need to keep that act up, or they’ll be onto us – you all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Oh, and we need someone to come up with bizarre cures….anyone? Anyone? Don?”

* Trump: “I know a voodoo doctor? Bleach? Internal light? Hydroxychloroquine?”

“Perfect. You all okay with that?”

* all nod heads

“Cool. Does anyone wanna know why we’re doing this?”

* all shake heads

“Great, let’s get to it.”

* all nod heads

Seriously, if Covid 19 is a myth, then world peace could have been achieved.

Thoughts?