Jay Leno Gets a Chins… Uh, HEADS Up From NBC

With its primetime and late night lineups in free fall, NBC is reportedly putting pressure on talk show host Jay Leno to have a scandalous affair, a network source confirmed today.

“[NBC chairman] Jeff Zucker is adamant about this,” one network source said. “He wants Jay to be up to his neck in sexual monkey business by sweeps.”

“This isn’t about morality,” Mr. Zucker reportedly told the talk show host. “This is about staying competitive.”

But creating a ratings-worthy scandal may be easier said then done, the source said.

“If Jay had an affair, he’d probably get away with it,” the source said. “Nobody’s watching.”

Thanks to Andy Borowitz. Hey ANDY! Scribe will provide a link to your site if the links you send him stop leading NO WHERE.