Sun. May 26th, 2024

With its primetime and late night lineups in free fall, NBC is reportedly putting pressure on talk show host Jay Leno to have a scandalous affair, a network source confirmed today.

“[NBC chairman] Jeff Zucker is adamant about this,” one network source said. “He wants Jay to be up to his neck in sexual monkey business by sweeps.”

“This isn’t about morality,” Mr. Zucker reportedly told the talk show host. “This is about staying competitive.”

But creating a ratings-worthy scandal may be easier said then done, the source said.

“If Jay had an affair, he’d probably get away with it,” the source said. “Nobody’s watching.”

Thanks to Andy Borowitz. Hey ANDY! Scribe will provide a link to your site if the links you send him stop leading NO WHERE.

By Ye Olde Scribe

Elderly curmudgeon who likes to make others laugh while giving the Reich Wing a rhetorical enema.

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14 years ago

Maybe Jay could have a scandal involving him having a fake scandalous affair in order to fulfill the demands of his bosses. He could come out on TV all sorry and apologetic to his family (who of course would be in on it) and then Keith Olbermann or Rachel could “uncover” LOL the supposed wench who would do a tell all on how Jay just couldn’t do mit cause it would hurt his wife and he paid her off not to tell what a ridiculously decent guy he is.
Get them back with reverse smarminess (is that a word?)

RS Janes
14 years ago

LOL. He could admit to having an affair with Hanoi Jane Fonda, thereby getting all the righties hot and bothered that he would diddle a traitor to the country. Of course, when it turned out there was no extramarital affair, Beck, Drudge, Malkin and the rest of the Hind Rocket Wild Web Bunch could pointedly not apologize for dragging Leno’s reputation through the mud.

Ken Carman
14 years ago

Yes, although the “iness” I’m not sure about. It does get you to “smarmy” under Answers. (That’s the lookup button.) And if you have a lot of smarmy people in one room would that be a swarm of smarmys? Do they nest? I can tell you from experience that they probably breed because most smarmy people I have known married smarmy and have smarmy children. Swine flu? Hey, if we can inoculate for that, what about…

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