Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Dog and Cat Ground Rules

1. We are always ready for “ground floor opportunities.”

2. If it’s down on the ground, or the floor, it’s ours.

3. If it’s down on the ground, or the floor, it’s edible until we decide it’s not, or we go together off to a rush trip to the vet. That’s your fault. It was on the floor. It was on the ground.

4. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, it will not stay there. Either you’ll trip on it, step in it, or we’ll leave bits and pieces all over the house.

5. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, it may not be a “present.” It may be a threat. “Get the hell out of our house, but do come back to feed us and clean up the mess you let us make.”

6. What, you wanted me to “catch” that? I’d rather chew on it and play keep away.

7. If it’s anywhere near the floor or the ground it’s “chewable.”

8. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, we were marking our territory. We’re sure you don’t want to pick THAT up, but if you do we’ll just mark it again. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

9. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, it can and will be knocked over.

10. Anything off the ground, off the floor, is definitely NOT off limits.