Fri. Mar 1st, 2024

1. We are always ready for “ground floor opportunities.”

2. If it’s down on the ground, or the floor, it’s ours.

3. If it’s down on the ground, or the floor, it’s edible until we decide it’s not, or we go together off to a rush trip to the vet. That’s your fault. It was on the floor. It was on the ground.

4. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, it will not stay there. Either you’ll trip on it, step in it, or we’ll leave bits and pieces all over the house.

5. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, it may not be a “present.” It may be a threat. “Get the hell out of our house, but do come back to feed us and clean up the mess you let us make.”

6. What, you wanted me to “catch” that? I’d rather chew on it and play keep away.

7. If it’s anywhere near the floor or the ground it’s “chewable.”

8. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, we were marking our territory. We’re sure you don’t want to pick THAT up, but if you do we’ll just mark it again. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED.

9. If it’s on the ground, or the floor, it can and will be knocked over.

10. Anything off the ground, off the floor, is definitely NOT off limits.

By Ye Olde Scribe

Elderly curmudgeon who likes to make others laugh while giving the Reich Wing a rhetorical enema.

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RS Janes
14 years ago

Sure, YOS, but have you ever tried grounding a dog or cat? You tell them to go to their room and they just stare at you.

Ken Carman
Reply to  RS Janes
14 years ago

Ever tried to ground a dog or cat? No, but Scribe’s food processor has been on the fritz for many years. But thanks for the advice.

Who the hell is “Fritz?”

RS Janes
14 years ago

Well, there’s always — ahem — ‘stone ground’.

BTW, I stand corrected — I met someone who did ‘ground’ their dog. When the pooch misbehaved, he was told ‘Go to bed’ which meant he was being sentenced to his dog bed without his toys until he was called. The dog would lay in the bed and whine softly, his eyes large pools of guilt and regret, until told he was released from ‘prison,’ which usually wasn’t long because his ‘Grups’ couldn’t stand to hear his pitiful whining and see that mournful face.

Who’s Fritz? Fritz the Cat, of course.

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