Ye Olde Scribe Presents: The Bookkeeper
Cause ya NEVER know where your college degree might take ya!!!
Recently numero 3 at al Qaeda Inc was taken out by a drone. Scribe can think of no news other than yet again another 1, 2 or 3 taken out being more of a DRONE. It’s like taking out #3 roach. YAWN. At this rate yet will achieve only a lot more more number threes. And that goes for Junior or the Somewhat More Noble One. (New Scribe phrase alert!!!) Yet initial reports mentioned he was actually their bookkeeper. So what is it like to be a bookkeeper for an organization like al Qaeda? Thanks to yet another one of Scribe’s spy fly on the wall report, YOS productions presents…
Al Qaeda Bookkeeeper!!! (Or How I What They Don’t Teach You at Business School)
(Since remembering the names of these guys is such a chore… not to mention the spelling… Scribe has chosen easier names, like “Harry.” May Allah forgive him, or at least save him a virgin or two…. or better yet, someone with experience.)
(Other Terrorist at start of meeting to bookkeeper… How’s thing SHEIKH-in Harry?)
Harry the Terrorist Bookkeeper (HTB): Allah wants me to talk to you about our expenses. We’re paying way too much on body bombs. We need to cut back. I mean can we at least get them to hold hands or something, or use Salt Peter?
Other Terrorists at Meeting Before HTB was killed (OT): A TV Peanuts-adult-like Wah, wah, wah, wah.
HTB: No need pulling out your knives and starting for my neck over this. I said SALT Peter. Not Saint. OK, well since that question was HEADED in the wrong direction, Allah wanted me ask you about the money we’re spending to get pilots trained. What’s this about paying to teach them to land? We didn’t need it before…
OT: Wah, wah, wah
HTB: Well, OK,so they’ll be hauling Osama, his medical equipment, his girls and his fully stocked bar around. They’ll NEED to land, though it seems they could just toss out a few girls to save fuel now and then. No need in getting snippy. Now I also have noticed we’re wasting money on detonators. You need better new recruits. The last guy took out the pot we… in. I mean now we don’t even have a squat pot. And the mess! I’d rather defile a camel than smell THAT. I mean detonators don’t grow on trees.
OT: Wah, wah, wah.
HTB: No, I don’t see see any trees around here. It was a figure of speech.
OT: Wah, wah, wah
HTB: No I’m not gay and into American comedians. I said figure of speech, not figure of Cheech. Put the knives away, please.
OT: Wah, wah, wah.
HTB: So you say that problem is about to work itself out?
(Sound of explosion. Terrorist comes in and announces Billy Bob has gone to meet Allah.)
HTB: What’s that smell???
(Everyone starts to gag.)
HTB: You didn’t tell us that he was going to get the camels back from where they… now we’ve got to clean THAT up! What are we going to use to pay for cleaning that unholy mess? We need money for guns, suitcase nukes, gas, WMD of all kinds, and those pamphlets we drop saying Uncle Terror wants you! One of your recruits even took out the guy who posed in the Uncle Sam suit. And that guy was carrying the last stack of smiley face stickers. Do you know how many recruits that brought in just because they thought it was cute? Shoe bombs? Smoking Nissans? Did anyone even check to see if that truck on Times Square was old enough to smoke? You’re all bad terrorists!!! Bad, bad, bad. Allah’s ashamed…
OT: Wah, wah, wah…
HTB: Oh! Muhammed is here? Outside the tent? Just outside the encampment? He wants to speak to me? To ME??? About adding two extra virgins named Olive and Oyl to my reward? I’ll be right back. Stay right here. There’s more I need to talk about.
HTB leaves. Inside the tent you hear snickers and, in the distance, you can hear a… DRONE