Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Little Known “Facts”

“Because these days actual facts are an endangered species.”

Have you ever wondered where pine nuts come from? You’d be surprised: they come from pine trees. It’s an ancient ceremony derived from Native Americans who often “thanked” animals they hunted after they killed them for offering up their lives.

They would go deep into the forest and seek out the biggest pine tree with the biggest nuts. They would apologize to all the lady trees who surely had enjoyed the pleasure of the he tree many times with their moans of ecstasy. Then they chopped the he tree’s nuts off.

Since the only mouths he trees have are usually stuffed with owls their screams are soft, at best.

Then they peeled the nuts carefully, washing whatever residue is left from the chopping. Even though pine nuts are very, very, tiny, they have thousands of them per tree. The sacrifice is minimal.

To this day pine nut gatherers have followed this sacred ceremony, and for years the he trees have sacrificed their family jewels for humanity.

So be sure, like our Native American friends, whom Americans have always shown NOTHING but respect for (COUGH), make you sure thank a pine today for offering up their delicious, tasty, nuts.

And if you believe that story you might consider joining up with those only a little less “brilliant” than you are: Teabaggers, Birthers and those who believe anything FOX “News” tells them.