After Melanoma Trump’s fine speech Republican leaders declared that Michelle Obama pre-plagiarized her speech. Apparently pictures of the time machine she used surfaced on that great arbiter of truth: Facebook, to go forward to the 2016 GOP convention and steal the rhetorical rug right out from under Trump’s dainty little feet.
Currently they are looking for her enabler, a young Mr. Griffin, who invented the time machine.
Welcome to the former End Times Gazette where we still celebrate the coming end time! However the all powerful, all knowing Lord/Allah needs our help. How can he be both all powerful and all knowing and still need our help you might ask?
SILENCE, INFIDEL! BE QUIET HERETIC!
We had hoped religion would bring on the End Times. We had hoped fanatics claiming to be atheists would bring it on. We even expected Germany and Japan to bring it on. All to no avail.
We expected it during the Dark Ages, the Great Depression, the plague… so many holy, blessed points in history. But somehow sinful, decadent humanity survived. Therefore our change of name and purpose: we are now actively helping to raise the next generation to help Allah, help Jesus, exterminate poor pitiful infidels, heretics, kittens and puppies. Especially cute puppies and kittens. EWE.
In this issue…
Fracking: see how the blessed frackers are rushing the end times by shoving God’s holy poisons down planet Earth’s Lemiwink-ish anus and enabling the divine’s effort to destroy the world with fracking inspired earthquakes that shakes our world down to the very… core. Written by in house writer Mickey MANTLE
Corporatism: who says corporations have to give a damn about humanity, be safe, treat workers with respect and not put them into unnecessary dangerous situations? As our future president would say, doesn’t profit TRUMP all? Well except if it’s profit from that pansy solar, or wind power. How the corporations are people trend has created super people who have more rights than anyone else. How they’ll rush the end times with worldwide profits at the expense of the planet, like those obtained through “Frack U: all we care about is the bottom line” policies. How scams and dishonest marketing serve Allah and Christ. By in house writer CEO Daddy Warbucks
Bought politicians: how they enable the end times. They are many. How to marginalize, even take out, those who refuse to be bought. We’re talking about you, Bernie. Watch your back. Written by Hillary and Donald.
Welcome to our reader’s letters forum. Please keep comments up to the highest, most fanatical level, as represented by the worst, most homicidal of those who claim to be of either faith. In Jesus’ name we pray, praise Allah.
As you might be aware, this afternoon and early evening there was an active shooter in and around the area of the Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood. The shooting left eleven people injured and three dead, with at least one of the deceased being a police officer.
While the shooter’s motive is not known, many people have assumed it is a radical political statement against the mission of Planned Parenthood. And it’s not just liberals who think that, some special radical Christian conservatives agree, but they, on the other hand, are applauding (or excusing) the shooter.