Fri. Jul 19th, 2024

Amongst the rubble created by living under the eight year Junior-itis plague there are still many who suffer. Included in this wretched morass, are those who continue to drop their pants at common sense and show “more ass:” Neo Con cartoon characters. Please, if you think you can help, stay “tooned” for yet another bleeding heart plea. You know how these toad sucking Liberals are.

Please find it somewhere within the depths of your shallow soul to help…

Sponge Bob… That’s right. The quirky little sponge has gone Neo Nitwit. He insists the taxes at Bikini Bottom must DROP to nothing but bare flesh n’ bones. He wants to squeeze all he can out of the middle class while he gets fat and drug addled: soaking in the wealth of his cartoon residuals. He looks a lot like Lush Dimbulb, only even Sponge Bob should be taken more seriously.

Bullwinkle… The lovable goof has gone Neo Con after drinking what he was told was holy water by one Saint Bore Us. It’s was spiked Kool Aid. Now he rules his homeland with his co-tyrant “Nutsforcasha: Boiled RICE for Brains” Nastasha. He thinks it’s “Condi” cool. When asked “why” by his former pal he only said, “I do it because I hope Frostbite… FALLS.” His pal now resides in a concentration camp for violating their own form of the Patriot Act. Needless to say their friendship is a little… ROCKY.

Popeye… but he’s in jail for raping and murdering Betty Boop. You’d think St. Junior would have pardoned him, but he hates spinach. And anything Junior doesn’t like HAS TO BE EVIL. His Fundamentalist Neo Con, obedient , subservient, slave mistress, Olive Oyl still loves him.

Papa Smurf… pissed off because everything around him turned blue, and refuses to admit he could be too.

Underdog… (“NOOOO! Not ‘Underdog!”) Sweet Polly left him for turning into such a.. dog, and he sits all day, drinking beer; screaming, “YES!” at the T.V. while watching Right Wing FOX talking headless programs.

Pinky… but the Brain finally started using his brain.

In the category of Neo Con and probably always will be…

Yosemite Sam, the Grinch, Snidely Whiplash, Goofy, Judge Doom from Roger Rabbit, Beavis, Butthead and Biggus Dickus… the worst: most evil, cartoon character saved for last, of course.

But you knew that already.

Didn’t you?

However, there is some good news…

ALF has returned to Melmac because he just can’t take the carnage. Plus, he has turned vegan; taking as many cats with him as possible… dropping them off on two more pussy friendly planets: Co and Tam in the Tex-Pex quadrant.

This announcement has been brought to you by the No One’s Mama Obama Foundation; offering grants to train Neo Con Death Cult deprogrammers.

By Ye Olde Scribe

Elderly curmudgeon who likes to make others laugh while giving the Reich Wing a rhetorical enema.

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