Politics for Retards

Written by Stacie Adams

I caught a bit of the bitch fight from The View this morning, wherein Bill O’Reilly said some of his usual inflammatory bullshit and the two most liberal twats in attendance waddled off stage in protest. Firstly, way to put that fucker in his place, turning tail and running is always a great way to win the fight. And quite honestly, of all the things this ass bag says, what they were so aghast over really wasn’t that bad.

Bill, in his characteristically grating and bombastic tone, proclaimed that muslims attacked us on 9/11, which by all accounts is true. Whether you want to say the attackers were extremists and a typical muslim wouldn’t act that way, well that’s simply a matter of degree. They were indeed muslims. By storming off the stage and taking this douche’s bait, they probably caused him to spontaneously orgasm about 12 times into his Ronnie Reagan skivvies.

Watching this I realized why we as a nation are completely fucked, and not in the fun ‘pull my hair/bark like a dog’ way. These are the type of people setting the tone; fey liberals who just want everyone to get along by any means necessary, and bitchy, miserable white men who believe there is some sinister cabal intent on destroying their reign. The first group chooses to ignore problems in favor of pining for some utopian solution that will never happen, while the second prefers that things stay exactly as they are, even when there is some new and possibly helpful solution suggested.

This is why Fox news touts the best ratings out of all the cable news channels. They take what is commonly thought of as a dry subject and render it a free for all of WWE proportions. Learning about the world is no fun. Learning about the world through a lens of paranoid xenophobia and overblown rhetoric (i.e. they hate us for our freedom, let’s take our country back, etc.) is a rip roaring good time for the genetic underclassmen, people who watch Nascar in the hopes that they’ll see a king hell wreck. This is also why the tea party (bowel) movement has gained so much traction. It is politics for retards, people who couldn’t keep up with the ins and outs of Lost, yet get really excitable when they see that black fella sitting in the oval office.

I was on some site yesterday, reading about Jon Stewart’s rally and how employees of MTV were being encouraged to go. Pretty tepid stuff, until you get to the comments and people were comparing this to communist China, in all sincerity, even though in China there would be no private entities trying to organize anything, there would be no channels that were not run by the government, and there would certainly be no charming jewish TV hosts poking fun at the people as described above.

We let the fucking hysterical idiots frame the argument for so long they now believe the bullshit they spew. And we’re starting to believe it as well, simply because there is no voice of reason, and anyone who tries to step up and be so gets shouted down as a Marxist or Socialist. Like those are just insults. Well no, those words actually mean something, and they have absolutely nothing to do with the American political establishment in the year 2010. A genuine Marxist/Socialist couldn’t get within 100 feet of elected office, yet some seem to believe that our government is teeming with them.

Our government is teeming with unrepentant capitalists, which is part of the reason why the middle class will soon be extinct. But what do I know, I’m just your standard issue brushetta eating liberal baby killer elite, living high on the hog with my exorbitant graphic designer earnings.

“Laws of man/are just pretend/they ain’t mine” -QOTSA