The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Edition

Brief sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.

Michele Bachmann – When scary met rally.

Arianna Huffington – A mythological Greek goddess who prospers greatly on the free labor of others.

Tim Pawlenty – A polite little Minnesota fart desperately trying to become a big Republican shit.

Sarah Palin – America’s trademarked Tweetheart, soon to be our ‘Dear Tweeter’ right after the Republicans in Congress succeed in outlawing rational thought entirely.

Jon Stewart – If Jon noticed two brown-shirted men wearing swastika armbands beating up another man laying on the ground, he would immediately condemn onlookers who pointed out any similarities to the Nazis, and go on to make the case that the actions of the attackers and the man trying to defend himself are equally deplorable. Then he’d giggle and cut to a commercial for Verizon Wireless.

The Tea Partiers – Their hearts are in the Right place — next to a pile of cash in a bank vault owned by the Koch brothers.

Comcast/MSNBC – ‘Lean Forward’ so it’ll be easier to kick your ass out the door if you displease the parent company.

Bill O’Reilly – Joe McCarthy after the first bottle, combined with all the charm of a proctologist with a fire hose.

Glenn Beck – Joe McCarthy after the second bottle, combined with Howard Stern following a full lobotomy.

Rush Limbaugh — An ounce of syphilitic brain tissue trampled in the stands of the football stadium at Ole Miss, circa 1964.

Megyn Kelly – 1. Find valve in back of skull. 2. Insert hose and inflate with helium until head is filled. 3. Check hair and makeup. 4. Insert ‘GOP Talking Points’ memory card. 5. Turn crank in back until words come out.

Michael Savage – When being a self-hating Weiner just isn’t enough.

Mitt Romney – Elmer Corpo-Fudd goes hunting for small vermin, only to keep finding himself.

Jeb Bush – A Republican presidential prospect who wishes he had been born with a different last name, maybe something like ‘Nixon.’

Mitch McConnell – Where wealthy wrinkles go to retire and old lies to revive themselves.

Roger Ailes – When he dines on his daily cherub, he wipes his mouth on the closest thing available, which happens to be the seat of his pants.

Antonin Scalia – Judge Dreadful.

Clarence Thomas“Just because I have a big bet on the team doesn’t mean I would necessarily rule in its favor.”

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.