Wed. May 22nd, 2024

Ye Olde Scribe’s Briefs
“Now with extra dirty Barbara’s Boxers.”

This week: Quantum Creep

“Where am I going to now, Al?”

“We never know. I wish the hell I didn’t know. You and your Daddy’s corrupt friends stole the election in 2000 from me. Leave me the #@!%^ alone, a-hole!”

“I know. We never know where Ziggy might send me. Guess he’s been a little confused after his comic strip kind of petered out. (Snort.) I said, ‘Petered.'”

All that Trekbeaming-like, zip, zap, lightening crap, Quantum stuff happens.

“Who am I now? Oh, I can actually speak well! Nice body too. And I’m a nigge… I’m Black? Oh, King Junior is Barack Obama! Guess we’ll forget all that ‘no more torture stuff, keep don’t ask, don’t tell, stay in Iraq, Afghanistan… snort, snicker, he, he..”

That was little over 6 months ago.

God help us all, and Tiny Tim too: Mr. Russert: who really IS tiny. That’s why all he talked about in the 90s was Clinton’s coc…

Ye Olde Scribe Presents: The Taco Bell Dog Goes to Heaven
“Featuring one of the more famous; less infamous, writers here at LTS.”

Saint Peterette opened the gate.

I go to Heaaaven!
"I go to Heaaaven!"

“Nice operation Saint Peterette.”

“You like it Gidget? The Almighty could have just done a ‘poof’ job, but I wanted the operation. Surgeon General Everett Flew Da Mass Breeder Chicken Koop does great work. Hey, mind if we call you ‘Taco?'”

“Sure. No problem, though I didn’t like them all that much.”

“Yeah, that’s why you’re here. We know you didn’t grind the rats for the tacos or the roaches for the burritos. You didn’t even want to be in Legally Blond 2.”

“So if Koop’s here, what about Reagan?”

“Silly Taco, demons aren’t allowed in Heaven.”

“You want to meet God?”

“Sure. Where is Ana Gararian? For years I’ve wanted to meet her to the MAX (SR.)”

“Shhh!!!! Don’t use either of those names or you might lose some personal organs. It’s almost as bad as revealing Scribe’s secret identity.”

“OK, so how is God doing?”

“Well, better, though she’s had to work a lot harder since her agricultural duties have been… FARMED… out. But she is getting ready to toss another column-based lightening bolt up the food producer’s wazoo.”

“Well, before I meet God, I gotta take a Taco wiz. Where’s a hydrant?”

“Silly Taco, no hydrants in Heaven and in Hell they LIKE fire.”

“Well I can’t hold it for eternity.”

“Oh, we can solve that. Just go over to Biggus Bush over there.”

“You mean Junior and Dick Cheney are here?”

“Well, for them, this is Hell. And don’t use Dick’s name. God’s still steaming from when he led the angel rebellion and started the worst franchise and mega farm ever: the Underworld!”

“But isn’t Biggus Dickus still alive?”

“Silly Taco. He only THINKS he is.”

By Ye Olde Scribe

Elderly curmudgeon who likes to make others laugh while giving the Reich Wing a rhetorical enema.

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