Thu. Jul 18th, 2024

Another satirical home-run from William K. Wolfrum:

Corporate Person CIGNA Named Obamas New Health Care Reform Czar

By Willliam K. Wolfrum
September 22nd, 2009

WASHINGTON – The Health Insurance Corporate Person CIGNA has accepted the position of Health Care Reform Czar, White House officials have confirmed. The Corporate Person will take over the job as the Obama Administration gets ready for its final push on health care reform.

We believe the expertise that CIGNA brings to the table will be invaluable, said Obama Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel. This is an entity that truly understands what the American health care system is all about.

Recent Big Brother winner Jordan Lloyd will physically represent CIGNA during official meetings (she has a really nice face, said sources), and the Corporate Person will have oversight over the entire health care reform debate.

Whats most important to both Democrats and Republicans is that Health Care Corporate People continue to thrive, said Sen. Claire McCaskill (D). We will do what ever it takes to mandate that all people pay these Health Care Corporate People.

Still, many say current corporate personhood laws are confusing, and that there is the appearance of conflict in CIGNAs new job. At a press conference, Lloyd said there was no reason to think CIGNA had any conflict of interest in the health care reform debate.

Oh thats just silly, said a smiling Lloyd, who coyly said no comment when ABC political reporter Jake Tapper asked if she was going to be dating Jeff outside the house.

Most Democrats and Republicans have thus far praised the Obama Administration for giving CIGNA the Health Care Reform Czar position.

This gives us the structure we need, said Senate Finance Chairman Max Baucus (D). This will only strengthen the mandate, and make it simpler just to funnel money straight to these corporate people who do Gods work.

Other health care corporate people have come forward with their approval, as well.

This is really a smart move by Obama, and a great move for America, said Corporate Person Kaiser Permanente – as portrayed by actress Angie Harmon. This is health care reform that all corporate persons can get behind.


Copyright 2009 William K. Wolfrum.

Read more at the William K. Wolfum Chronicles.


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