Sun. May 26th, 2024
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Fer you younguns out there, Ted Williams was a famous baseball player who had his head cut off and cryofroze until he could be blasted out into space, or at least have a part in any future episodes of Futurama along with Richard Nixon and other notables. (OK, Scribe is speculating there, but part of the plan was possible reANIMATION, apparently.) Seems some employees had a different idea. Reports seem to vary on the actual abuse. Some say his head was used like a baseball, or more inappropriate, a basketball. Hey, at least get the genre’ right. Others say they just took a wrench to it. (EWE!!!)

No matter what the truth is here, think they kept their jobs?

Scribe is just reporting the accusations, that’s all, and researching on the net Scribe found the dust hasn’t settled regarding what really happened. He supposes the courts will settle that… or NOT.

So for a lighter (NO, not CIGARETTE LIGHTER!!!); more fictional, take here’s a satire on the whole mess…

Ted Williams Head Unthawed, Blasts A-Rod

SCOTTSDALE The head of former Red Sox great Ted Williams was reanimated yesterday at the cryonics company where it has been stored since 2002, and Williams promptly criticized Alex Rodriguez for using steroids.

Following Williams death in 2002, his body was flown to the Alcor Life Extension Foundation where it was severed from its head via a procedure known as neuroseparation. The body was stored in a 9-foot cylindrical steel tank, and the head was placed in a steel can filled with liquid nitrogen.

Every year during spring training, scientists at Alcor gingerly remove the head from the can to thaw it out. Then they administer a series of electric shocks that serve to reanimate it for approximately two hours before it finally tuckers out.

Although critics decry Williams annual press conference as a morbid publicity stunt for Alcor, Teddy Ballgames legion of fans eagerly await their heros annual appearances.

Immediately upon being revived, Williams confers with several friends who bring him up to date on the past years events mainly about fly fishing, politics and especially baseball. The first question Williams asks his confidants is always the same: Did anyone hit .400 last year? The answer is always no. Williams was the last player to hit .400, a feat he accomplished in 1941 when he batted .406.


By Ye Olde Scribe

Elderly curmudgeon who likes to make others laugh while giving the Reich Wing a rhetorical enema.

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