Thu. Apr 18th, 2024

Satire by Andy Borowitz

PALM BEACH–Donald J. Trump’s ambition to become the nation’s leading Bible salesman hit a snag when the initial print run of his $60 Holy Book was found to include stolen nuclear codes.

The error reportedly occurs during the Book of Genesis, a source familiar with the publication disclosed, when “Noah is loading the animals onto the Ark and just starts shouting random numbers for no reason.”

The source struggled to explain how the classified codes wound up in the Trump Bible, but added, “Generally when there’s a screwup this massive, Jared’s involved.”

The recall of the Trump Bible is expected to “totally wipe out” the gains that the indicted businessman made in the stock market this week, and has rendered him “ketchup-throwing mad,” the source revealed.

“He’s furious that he has to take the nuclear codes out of the Bible,” the source said. “It was the only part he’s read.”


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