Fri. Mar 1st, 2024

“Hey, Buddy, try this magic elixir. Cure all terrorism. Make a ‘country’ that’s less ‘country;’ more a bloody conglomeration of feuds between warlords and failed empire building, become an actual civilized, democratic representative, country. I call my magic elixir ‘American Naivete.'”

Would you call that a scam? Most likely, right? Why did so many otherwise wise people buy into it?

We might have a ever so slight chance to turn “Afghanis-scam” into a win in “Afghanistan.” But considering this column appears mostly on left-leaning sites, I promise, you won’t like it.

We already dropped the total BS excuses “get bin Laden” or “get rid of the Taliban.” The Taliban is stronger than they’ve been since they were in control of the country. And I bet the populace has a bit more sympathy for them. Not much, overall. But the underdog in an occupation always gets at least a bit more sympathy. It has been reported that many have been saying, “At least we knew where we stood under the Taliban,” and they prefer how the Taliban courts deal out actual “justice;” predictably, though in the usual cruel fashion. With all the corruption, well let’s just say the rising stock of the Taliban is frustrating, but understandable.

So we didn’t go in to get rid of the Taliban, or capture bin Laden, or even get rid of al Qaeda, since we left Tora Bora to warlords; some who actually sympathized with them. And we probably aren’t going to become beloved and worshiped occupiers. After, how many years have we been in Iraq and Afghanistan? How many years has there been conflict in Afghanistan out of the past 30 years or more? How long have others been in there and then failed?

Here’s how we might win…

Let’s do what even the Russians had no interest in doing. Stop the rest of the BS. The only way to win is to admit we are conquerors and start acting like it. The place is ours. No retreat. Ever. Wherever opposition is: extermination is called for. With extreme prejudice. Make it nasty and very public. Free “after” pictures for all who couldn’t attend the event. Billboards presenting the carnage with warnings, broadcasts: hell, hire runners to “go tell it on the mountain.” Don’t worry. In this kind of occupation they are expendable; just hire or force another into servitude. Kill off their family one by one if they won’t cooperate: in public through dismemberment.

Rule as if we are the Roman Empire. You want to be a Muslim, a Christian, whatever? Fine. We don’t care. We’re into civil order and if you get in the way of that, then we out Taliban the Taliban. “Heads will roll” will be the mild reaction.

On the “bright” side we will finally find a way to use up our nuclear arsenal we think we need to replenish and refresh. Ah, “Refresh.” Has kind of a Glade-lady ring to it doesn’t it?

If you think this column has turned rather Jonathan Swift-ian, well, correct-o-mundo. I don’t actually recommend any of this.Disgusting” and “vile” are both far too mild. But if winning is a “must,” then that’s what we need to do. Won’t work forever. But, hey, how long did the Roman Empire last?

Otherwise? Leave. Leave now. We’re just wasting money, soldiers, innocent citizens and creating more terrorists and putting off what, by now, is probably inevitable. The current rebranding: the raising from the “this concept should have stayed dead” historical file: Vietnamization, won’t work. It didn’t work then. It won’t work now. They only have to wait us out. Didn’t work for the Soviets when they attempted the same thing in Afghanistan by leaving behind a small communist-oriented government.

Why is it that a policy that failed so miserably; again and again, has so much mojo now? To quote a less than intellectual, previous, President, “Is we learning yet?”

No: we’re not.

True Muslims everywhere shudder at the mere thought of what is about to happen. But I’ll bet many already knew it might happen. We have been wasting our time when we could have been planning for the inevitable. I knew what was going to happen years ago. I even wrote an Inspection with the bloody title: right up front, telling everyone who dared to read it what was going to happen.

Get ready for what we have really been carefully designing; from funding and training those we fight now over twenty years ago, to 10 years of poor planning, inept war making, generally pissing innocent people off and thus creating a legion of future martyrs.

Look! Underneath the national Christmas tree President Obama lit up shortly before deciding to light up Afghani-scam even more. Oh, goodie! A gift for us. Can you wait? Won’t be long boys and girls!

We have met the enemy. He is us. Our arrogance, ignorance and ineptness has decided the world’s fate. Get ready boys and girls to unwrap the coming of a Super Islamic State.


Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.

Copyright 2009
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
all rights reserved

By Ken Carman

Retired entertainer, provider of educational services, columnist, homebrewer, collie lover, writer of songs, poetry and prose... humorist, mediocre motorcyclist, very bad carpenter, horrid handyman and quirky eccentric deluxe.

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RS Janes
14 years ago

Of course, the idea is to keep the wars going, not to actually win anything. Just like Vietnam, these two wars in Iraq and Afghanistan are a windfalls to private contractors and our friends in the M.I.C. They also justify the overpriced existence of the Pentagon and CIA, et al, and give conservative politicians something to talk about.

Enlisted personnel and lower-rank officers are expendable in such wars — their death or maiming merely a cost of doing business and keeping the scam going.

One aside: From what I’ve read, the Russians did operate like the Romans — they were cruel and merciless with the Afghan resistance, and didn’t spare their family members if they thought it would make a point. The problem there, of course, is that the Russian Army, like the US, sent in vast numbers of men, materiel and aircraft to try and defeat small, fast-moving bands of insurgents who didn’t care about winning a battle or holding a territory — they were fighting to sap morale and kill Russians. This doomed Russian strategy, like the British before them, is basically the same one we are employing now and it wouldn’t work if Obama had sent in 100,000 or 200,000 more Americans.

Also, our private contractors are now bribing the Taliban and other warlords not to attack them, using our taxpayer money to enrich the very elements that are killing our troops. Is that the path to victory?

The Afghan war is over and we lost; it’s now just a matter of how long until we are forced out, as were the Russians and all who came before them.

Ye Olde Scribe
14 years ago

All interesting observations, though I’m not quite sure the Roman Empire and Russian comparison is quite apt. Oh, they were nasty, but I think it was less “empire” building than the fear of having an unstable nation on one’s border. I do remember them telling us, “you don’t understand, these are people you don’t want getting and keeping power.” (paraphrased) They were right.

I just watched the History channel specials on the Taliban and al Qaeda. Wholly inadequate: skipping over attempts to get Usama and various warnings we ignored. They did get Gorbachev right though. Gorby never wanted that mess. An unsung hero of an era where Neos want everyone to worship Saint Ronnie.

I didn’t realize Carter actually started funding that mess, or I forgot. I was never quite the fan of Jimmy that most on the Left were.

RS Janes
14 years ago

I read somewhere that the USSR wanted to ‘tame’ Afghanistan and make it a Soviet province and they were willing to do anything necessary to accomplish that task.

Carter started funding the Afghan resistance — ‘freedon fighters’ as they were then known — following Russia’s UN unauthorized invasion of Afghanistan. Bush did precisely the same thing in Iraq.

Ye Olde Scribe
Reply to  RS Janes
14 years ago

I’m always a little suspicious of such things, especially during an era when there was so much intentional misinformation. As we know the hardcore group, including… gee what a surprise… Cheney were pushing how dangerous and powerful the U.S.S.R. was; back when Gorby was trying to get out and they were in deep trouble. These folks live off of misinformation and pitting nations against each other.

However, I suspect “tame” may not have been far off since they were on the border, much like we interfere with nations around us. And then you have Cuba and all the cries to invade… etc.

I do think history has proven the Russian had a point with Afghanistan. I wonder if we could have worked with them instead of against them how many lives we might have saved and if these claims would have evaporated as CIA driven bunk. We’ll never know.

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