Sat. Apr 20th, 2024

“Even answering such an E is like playing Russian roulette with a gun provided by Satan while demons laugh at you.”

Some scams are so bad, if they were human, they should be stand up comics.

Do you think Scribe should answer the following E-mail? Gee, even though all relatives are so poor they wouldn’t have ANYTHING to do with anything listed, even if they wanted to, so much money! Scribe has put in bold all the problematic phrases. Just how stupid do such scammers think we are? Considering how many Es like this arrive unsolicited, apparently they might be on to something there.

Anti-Terrorist and Monitory Crimes Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J. Edgar. Hoover Building, Washington D.C

In this era they combine everything, which is how Junior made sure FEMA would botch events like Katrina, but is there even such a department?


This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr Frank Nweke,Sanusi Bello none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation agents. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So how is this “illegal?” “None of?” Did the “agent” who typed this understand basic capitalization rules? Basic English?

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf…

Really. The FBI would do that for YOS, for what they called, at first, “illegal?” How nice.

…and they have brought a solution…

Oooo! Goodie, goodie? They “brought” it? Is it wrapped in Christmas paper?

your problem…

Sorry, Scribe’s “problem” is busy having sex with his worries. Please leave a message or call back later.

…by coordinating your payment in the total amount of $800,000.00 USD which will be deposited into an
ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere of the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your
funds which have been deposited into the ATM CARD.

So, illegal… how? What if Scribe doesn’t have an ATM card?

…has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America. All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD forimmediate use…

What, the FBI lacks space bars? Scribe has heard of budget cuts, but…

…to withdraw funds being paid to you. We have confirmed that the amount required to procure the Approval Slip will cost you a total of $200 USD which will be paid directly to the ATM CARD CENTER agent via Western Union Money Transfer / MoneyGram Money Transfer. Below, you shall find contact details of the Agent whom will process your transaction:




Immediately contact Mr. Paul Smith of the ATM Card Centre with the following information:

Full Name:
Zip Code:
Direct Phone Number:
Current Occupation:
Annual Income:

“Paul Smith.” Doesn’t he own a college in Upstate, NY? Does he know all of Scribe’s friends with other names similar to “John Doe?” Maybe they should get together and start an E writing service. They write the same kind of Es.

Once you have sent the required information to Mr. Paul Smith he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of $200 USD for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay. You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Federal Bureau Of Investigation to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to
the authorized agent.

Huh, isn’t the FBI on the gov’s payroll, not Scribe’s? Oh, Scribe forgot. The FBI billed Dillinger before they shot him.

Once you have completed payment of $200 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact me back so
as to ensure your ATM CARD gets to you rapidly.

Oh, Scribe has to bribe the agent?

FBI Director

Robert Mueller

Would he really sign something like this? Wouldn’t it be an agent, or a knock on a door? Would they even bother with this nonsense? Wouldn’t they only contact you if you were the scammer or had been scammed, if even then? You didn’t get paid: your problem. And DID you ask for an investigation? Scribe bets: NOT.

Oh, and by the way, where is the FBI? Isn’t posing as an FBI agent a FELONY??? Or is the FBI too busy trying to catch Neo Con targeted Dems who might, possibly, have their pants down, and covering for ReTHUGs with their privates out while they screw the country?

By Ye Olde Scribe

Elderly curmudgeon who likes to make others laugh while giving the Reich Wing a rhetorical enema.

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RS Janes
14 years ago

The Nigerian scammers are getting desperate since mostly everyone is on to their game. (But there is still ‘one born every minute’ who fall for it, even now — think they might be greedy Republicans?) I just got one from someone calling himself ‘The Honorable Dr. Harold Ozuma’ who is allegedly the ‘Chief Head Operating Director’ of some Nigerian bank. He was alerting me that any transfer of funds can only go through him and not to trust any other Nigerians who are trying to scam me by arranging a transfer of millions of dollars to someone they don’t know but thought they could trust since they ran across my name and email address on the Internet. He ‘warned’ me to only deal with him in the future, so that he could ‘confidentially’ send to my bank account $8 million, of which Dr. Ozuma would only require his standard 15 percent bank transfer fee. The ‘Honorable’ part was particularly hilarious.

Ken Carman
14 years ago

This E Scribe received was under the subject line “FBI Payemt.” Same mindset that might think Barracuda Babe is Einstein brilliant.

RS Janes
14 years ago

One of these days the Nigerians will amass enough money to hire Frank Luntz (don’t worry, he’ll gladly do it) and then we’re sunk.

Ana Grarian
14 years ago

I have a friend who answers all such scams with VERY crazy, right wing, evangelical, diatribes.

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