Ye Olde Scribe Presents: “Not the Time”
Wile E. Coyote was on trial for attempting to commit genocide on all the creatures of the desert. The judge’s name: the often Dishonorable Judge FOX. His lawyer: Wayne LaPierre.
In the courtroom the family and friends of the Road Runner, crying over all that was left of their friend, a few bones.
“Order in the court! Order in the court! I will not have these outbursts!”
Lawyer Wayne called out, without even asking the judge, “Your honor, clear the courtroom!”
Judge FOX ordered the courtroom cleared.
Prosecutor YOS objected: “But your Honor, the lawyer was out of order!”
Lawyer Wayne, “Now is not the time to talk about who is in order, and who is not.”
Judge echoes, “Yes. Now is not the time to talk about who is in order, and who is not.”
Family and friends of the Road Runner muttered on the way out, “But the OTHER side CAN talk about it?” “Those two are trying to shut up discussion.” “Judge FOX is not a good judge of anything? Gee, that’s not NEWS.”
Lawyer Wayne, “Get out or be held in contempt of court!”
Judge FOX, “Yes… what he said!”
“Can we bring in our friends Judge FOX?”
“Yes, bring in your friends, Lawyer Wayne (La Ti Da) LaPierre.
Once the court is empty, then filled back up with friends of Wile E., Wile is put on the stand. The opposing attorney: Scribe.
“Mr. Coyote, is it true that you kill road runners?”
Lawyer Wayne, “Now is not the time to talk about who we kill, and who we don’t!”
Judge FOX, “Yes, now is not the time.”
“Mr. Coyote, isn’t it true you have bought many defective weapons of mass destruction from said ACME Company, weapons you have left behind and have actually killed children who have come upon them and didn’t know any better what they could do?”
Lawyer Wayne, “Now is not the time to discuss weapons and how they kill innocent children.”
Judge FOX, “Yes, now is not the time to discuss weapons and how they kill innocent children.”
“And isn’t it also true you finally took a weapon from your parent’s cave, killed your mother, then went on a rampage with these, better, NON-ACME, weapons: weapons more suited for war and killing a lot of people than hunting, target practice, or even protecting you from an intruder?”
Lawyer Wayne, “Now is not the time to talk of all that!!!”
Judge FOX, “Yes, now is not the time to talk of that!!!”
YOS turns to the judge and lawyer Wayne, “So when will be the time to talk of anything?”
Lawyer Wayne, “I have something to say.”
Judge FOX “Your witness, Wayne.”
YOS, “But I’m not through with…”
Lawyer Wayne, “Now is not the time to talk about anything else you have to say.”
Judge FOX, “Yes, now is not the time to talk about anything you have to say.”
Lawyer Wayne, “Mr. Wile, isn’t it true that things would be better is we just gave everyone more guns?”
Wile, “Of course.”
Lawyer Wayne, “Weren’t you simply practicing your second amendments rights?”
YOS, “Your Dishonorable Honor, FOX in da Henhouse, I object, what about my free speech and the free speech of all the rights of those who died who Mr. Coyote murdered? What about snuffing their rights, and right to ‘free speech?’What about Mr. Coyote winding up killing many children? What about…”
Wayne: “Now is not the time…”
FOX: “Now is not the time…”
Wile: “Now is not the time…”
Scribe: one finger salute.
Yes, this column isn’t “funny.” Scribe apologizes. But it was written in honor of all those who lost their lives, lost their rights, and those who the media, extreme gun rights advocates and talking head keep trying to shut up.