Millie and I were out and about, Friday, 4th of July weekend, when we saw Trump balloon resurrected. I have written several versions of this under the title, How is this NOT a Cult? That is not this column.
As we looked at this absurdly big balloon I noticed, because of the wind, he was bending just below the knees back and forth, back and forth… as if some he was having sex 
with an invisible Stormy Daniels. I want you to know I resisted the temptation to type some 13 year old girl who was tied to a bed and Trump slapped and raped.
Oops, I just typed that anyway. “Sorry.”
Millie and I saw the Trump balloon bending back and forth and my first: rather mild comment was, “I wonder if his cankles caused that?” To make each other laugh we kept escalating the jokes until I suggested someone put a little penis on balloon guy that goes up and stiff as the balloon bends back, the knees bend. We came back from Inlet a short time later and someone took the balloon down.
Did they see us point and laugh as we drove by?
Did they just want to fix the rather humorous, unintentional, perv motion of the Trump balloon?
This made me immediately think of writing this edition of my column, warning what NOT to do. These MAGA folks can be FAR too sensitive. How dare you criticized the King, the deity, the perfect one, the beloved leader whom God loves as perhaps his second son? Adopted son? The chosen one?
I am not kidding. Certainly you’ve seen the memes of Jesus blessing Trump, the claim “chosen by God.” I understand, after all, if you read his words in the Bible, Jesus insulted everyone who didn’t worship him. Tried to weaponize the Romans against them. Claimed the pagans will pay for some wall…
Oh, WAIT!!! NEVER MIND.
Here are 5 things one should not do faced with balloon Trump…
1. By no means do NOT fashion a penis and put it under Trump balloon as if he’s about to have very hot sex with a well endowed Pinocchio
2. Don’t drive by and issue a well deserved “SIEG HEIL!” Didn’t I warn you some MAGAS have no sense of humor? Do you want a brick thrown through your back window?
3. Do not toss a sharp dart at Trump balloon, even though if you’re lucky to hit the buttocks there might be a satisfying, funny, fart-like, sound.
4. Cream pies in the face would be funny, but he must be about 40 feet high. You’ll never reach it and if it lands on the crotch someone might think Trump had a hot session of very personal whack-o-mole. Beside the balloon would need very tiny hands and fingers like some claim the real Trump has. The balloon’s fingers make huge sausages jealous.
5.And last… please no large pretend clumps of poo below him, right under his wide stance. Not realistic: pretty obvious under the real Don’s pants Trump wears some kind of adult diaper/Depends.
I write all this as a public service. We don’t need vandalism in this tiny Adirondack town. We don’t need trouble, and didn’t I already mention many MAGAS have no sense of humor?
But, IF you do anything like these options, do you mind if we laugh?
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“Inspection” is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 50 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
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