Bloomberg to Spend Ten Billion Dollars to Buy Entirely Different Personality

hortly after the Democratic Presidential debate on Wednesday night, aides to Michael Bloomberg announced that he would spend ten billion dollars to buy an entirely new personality.

Acknowledging that some attributes of the former New York mayor’s new personality have yet to be ironed out, campaign advisers indicated that the eleven-figure outlay would be used to purchase warmth, empathy, and humanity.

Additionally, billions of Bloomberg’s war chest will be used to remove several unappetizing qualities from his current personality, including arrogance, touchiness, and a glaring inability to hide his contempt for others.
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