Ye Olde Scribe Presents: Religious Infomercials

Click. Click. Click. Nothing but commercials and pap for programming. Scribe fell asleep and “woke up” about about “Twelver-” o’clock: midnight. Was it a dream, or an infomercial?

Shi’… shi’… shi’… Chia! Shi’a Chia!

(Music in the background “lyrics” from Spirit in the Sky: “Do-ran-ran-ran,” only rewritten with “Qur’an-ran-ran-ran.)

Get your religious Chia pet today!

Imams’ Incorporated .

..presents the newest toy for your little Sunni boys and… well, just boys! Girls need not apply. Get thee to a stoning. Be spat on by men shouting, Get out of here, you whores!” Now with removable hands, fingers, feet, toes and head. (Warning: actually replacing body parts may get your parts removed.)

Shi’a Chia’s name is Ali.

(Ali was Muhammad’s first cousin and closest living male relative, as well as his son-in-law, having married his daughter Fatimah. Naming Shi’a Chia anything else may also get parts removed. Naming Shi’a Chia after Cassius Clay means a revived chapter of the Black Panthers will hunt you down: The Quickly Graying Black Obamanites.)

When the el stinko infomercial was finally over, being just past Easter, a new el rot gut one started…

Christian boys and girls… New! New! New! Now that torture is about to be ignored, get your Jesus action figure today! Watch him condemn, torture and slaughter the heathens like he did when he and his army of 12: including Paul, Peter, Pumpkinhead, did… before that freakin Liberal Judas ratted him out to those damn Socialist-Pinko-Commie-Romans. Just like Obama when he released the torture memos! Includes a cross; that doubles as a collection piggy bank for your local Fundie church, and a nickel bag’s worth of nails that look like pot leaves and pre-rolled roaches. Then you can have him rise again and take his vengeance. On with the Crusades! On Prancer, on Dancer… have ourselves a merry Inquisition… Monty Python back up singers not included.

Scribe sighed, turned the TV off… and went to bed.

Religion can REALLY suck.