Ye Old Scribe Presents: Yes, Mr. Biggus CAN Protect Us and Well Done… Dunne

Biggus Dickus has Scribe worried about national security. After all: damn near eight years of poking people who now have every reason to help the bear that poked us on 9/11 with electric wires, boards for the drowning, locking uncharged detainees in small metal containers until the desert heat kills them, raping children in front of a parent. Keep Gitmo open? Now he wants to give them, their family and friends even more reason to be mad? How many terrorists have we created through policies that Biggus Dickus gets wood over?

Biggus Dickus has Scribe worried about national security. The tall crazy with the beard who had us attacked? His misadministration let him slip through our hands. The anthrax killer? Uncaught, except some poor accused sucker who somehow managed to Wellstone himself once accused. Case solved? NOT. Hell, just go hunting with the son of a bitch and then dare to disagree with the REALLY Biggus Dickus. Ever see the movie Face Off? As quick as a single, a click, a bang and a splatter he can turn your battered facial matter into the latest news cycle star and make YOU apologize for him doing it.

But the Ex-President of Vice CAN solve our problems; help protect us. Keep making comments, Mr. Biggus. Mr Barack? Just listen to his advice. And ALWAYS do the opposite.

To honor the “worried” theme of a writer here at The Saloon, Scribe offers this rewrite of a folk classic. Apologies to Nick, Bob, the unfortunately deceased Dave and “I’m not THAT Jon” John Stewart… (Who, sad to say, mostly DIDN’T “turn music into gold…”)

It takes a worried Rethug to sing a worried song
It takes a worried Junior to sing a worried song
It takes a worried Hughes to sing a worried song
We’re worried now
But we won’t be worried long

Got ourselves riches
From Bushies who loved to drown
Got ourselves riches
Lyin all over DC town
Got ourselves a Big Dickus
Loves to torture all the time
Yes, and if we told the truth
Have us murdered for a dime

It takes a worried Rethug to sing a worried song
It takes a worried Gonzo to sing a worried song
It takes a worried Ashcroft to sing a worried song
We’re worried now but we won’t be worried long

Well Georgie’s clearin brush
No one will ever sue
Got Democrats got our backs
They WILL come through
Gannon’s out of the closet
Charge us?
We’d all be screwed
We’re worried now
But we won’t be worried long

It takes worried Reid to stop a worried song
It takes a worried Pelosi to stop a worried song
It takes a worried Obama to stop a worried song
We’re worried now
But we won’t be worried long

(This song has been brought to you by the MTA, from which Charlie Rangel still hasn’t returned. And to the desire to have, not a Tom Dooley, but a Tom STOOLIE Pigeon; who will testify to all their criminal, homicidal and genocidal acts: finally putting these rats in prison where they belong.)