Perilous Predictions for 2011
- Early in the year, George W. Bush and Dick Cheney both confess that from the very beginning the whole weapons of mass destruction/al-Qaeda had ties to Saddam Hussein thing was a total fabrication – and – the entire Iraq War was a total fraud that was all about Big Oil. Criminal proceedings begin. The next day on his show, Rush Limbaugh explains to his audience that the confessions were false, based on a voodoo curse put on them by Bill Clinton before he left office. The day after that, a Rasmussen poll will show that 20% of the American population buys into this. Thus, the beginning of the “curser movement.”
- In late spring, Glenn Beck will define the following groups as “domestic terrorists” – all public school teachers, all union members, all Democrats, all moderate Republicans, The Humane Society, The Red Cross, Boy Scouts and Girl Scouts of America and Christian Scientists. The next day, a CBS/NY Times poll shows 29% of the American population buy into this.
- Sarah Palin develops a severe eating disorder and accuses Michelle Obama of trying to cut off her credit with Dominoes Pizza.
- Failed Teabagger endorsed Nevada Senatorial Candidate Sharron Angle returns to the media spotlight by demanding not only an end to Social Security, but a demand that the government force all current retires to not only lose their monthly benefits, but also work in forced labor camps to repay the government the Social Security “largess” they’ve already received. Teabaggers cheerfully endorse Angle’s proposal at a national Teabag convention. Estimates have it that 67% of Teabaggers in attendance are retirees.
- K Street Lobbyists heavily lobby Congress to change the wording of the Pledge of Allegiance to “and to the oligarchy, for which it stands, one nation, totally divided, with liberty and justice only to the highest bidder.” Republican leaders in both the House and Senate go on board with this instantly. “Self styled Socialist” Senator Bernie Sanders(I-VT) also endorses the idea but notes he interprets the re-wording as creative sarcasm. Upon hearing this, Senator Mitch McConnell(R-KY) immediately calls for Senator Sanders to be deported.
- Space Aliens invade America later in the year. After watching C-Span for 5 minutes, they re-occupy their space ships and head back for home.