Sarcasm Alert: The following is fake news, but it somewhat resembles real news.)
Breaking News: Donald Trump Proposes Renaming America as “Trumperica.”
Let’s go through the thought processes of the self-proclaimed “stable genius” on this matter. In his never-ending quest to “improve America” and “make America (that is, Trumperica) great again,” “the Donald” (duck?) thought it was only fitting that he rename America.At first, he thought of naming it “The United States of Trump.” However, that ended kind of abruptly with his name.
Anyway, who needs the “United” or the “States” in the name? After all, Trump himself is the legendary “Great Uniter” (if only in his own mind. Never mind that he is actually a divider.)
So, how about Trumpland? Hmm, that seems a bit conventional, like “Greenland,” or “Iceland.” (It’s so easy to get confused between those two. Plus, there are a bunch of other “lands.”
Then he got yet another brilliant idea. Why not name it “Trumperica?” It still has that “America” thing in it, but it appropriately starts with his name. After all, it’s his country, right? (Well, actually, billionaires like Rupert Murdoch and Elon Musk – both foreign born – purchased it and gifted it to him. Anyway, it’s Trump’s now, just like his Qatari jet.)
Henceforth, the former United States of America shall be called “Trumperica,” and its citizens, “Trumpericans” – if only in Trump’s malignantly narcissistic, increasingly demented mind.
Americans – I mean Trumpericans – should be grateful that he is working so hard to improve his country (for instance, his ballroom and reflecting pool projects, among other enormously important renovations to this country). Gosh, his mind never stops – inventing new ways to promote himself.
Yes, that’s what America needs – a new name that reflects the grandeur of its great leader. That’s it – a renewed country, made great again, with a new name. Trump thinks that’s great, because he thinks that he is great.
Of course, this means changing a few names again, such as the Gulf of America (formerly Mexico) to the Gulf of Trumperica, New America (also formerly that pesky Mexico) to New Trumperica, and Lake America (formerly Ontario, which belongs to Canada, another one of Trump’s “enemy nations”) to Lake
Trumperica, but he can do that with a sharpie and a flick of his wrist, if he can still flick his wrist.
Why didn’t George Washington name this country, Washingtonia? Hmm, that’s a real head scratcher for Trump. Never mind; it’s Trumperica now.