Tue. Feb 27th, 2024
image courtesy shittywall.deviantart.com
by Ken Carman

He punches, he pushes, he insults, he uses name calling, race baiting, degrades women, ethnic stereotyping, says anything: pretends anything; willingly lies, to get his way.

Then someone turns around and gives him a good, hard, whack and makes damn sure he doesn’t get what he wants. Quickly the tears flow and now a character who insults his friends for being a baby for sport… and far worse… is suddenly into “victimology:” when he wants everyone to believe he’s the victim. To tell the truth: he just can’t take a tenth of an ounce of all the guff he eagerly, joyfully; with a smirk, a sneer, hands out to everyone else.

Either way, tears or sneers, the focus always has to be on him: what he wants, what he thinks, what he says. Contradict him and you’ll get called names, shouted down, talked over and interrupted.

Am I talking about Eric Cartman, or one of the many Right Wing talking heads and pols? You know: the talking heads and pols who are so upset that Susan Komen backed down from their plan to defund breast screenings done by Planned Parenthood?

Is there a difference?

This past week funding was pulled from Planned Parenthood by Susan G. Komen for breast examinations. Then, when hell was raised, they changed their mind.

So we might be tempted to claim that both sides are equally like Eric, right? But no. Not really.
You see it’s not just the “whining,” or that he cries out in protest so quickly. It’s that, like Eric Cartman, the Right’s pundits will say anything, no matter how big the lie. They want what they want and if it takes claiming almost all of the money Planned Parenthood uses goes to abortion… well, like Eric Cartman, anything to get what they want: lies, con jobs, editing stats or quotes to mean something else, or killing doctors, clinic staff, murdering parishioners in a church in Knoxville, slitting the throat of a cabbie because he admits to being a Muslim. Well if any of that is what it takes: then that’s what it takes. Like if it takes creating a phony investigation to derail funding for such breast exams: their pols will obey. If thousands of women die, untested? Well, that’s what it takes.

Worried about unemployment? Well if shrinking Government is your goal, screw unemployment… put em’ out on the street! But don’t let that prevent you from blaming it all on the guy: the president, who would rather we keep some of those folks employed.

How Eric Cartman is that? Word: very.

Eric’s attempts at “humor” are perverse, twisted and only prove what a sick jerk he is. The same is true of too many damn Righties these days. If a Democratic Congresswoman gets shot, others murdered, in Arizona, their Eric Cartman idea of “humor” is to raffle off a gun just like that used in the commission of the crimes. If a Black is elected president portray him and his wife having big lips and monkey-like features.

Ha, ha… ha???

Honesty? You can almost hear the cry: “We don’t need no stinkin honesty!” There’s no honesty here, there is no character: even when they’re claiming the moral high ground, like with Bill Clinton. A better Eric Cartman dialogue couldn’t be scripted.

Start with a long list of bogus scandals, like Whitewater, or all the folks he and Hillary supposedly murdered: Vince Foster in a park with a candle-shtick. Just like Eric Cartmann makes constant false accusations against the Jews, “Gingers,” the Chinese: anyone who isn’t… him. Keep going hoping some of the mud thrown sticks. When you run through all of the aforementioned and a hell of a lot more, and it doesn’t stick, just change the definition of “is.” You see “is” is now past tense, not just present tense… according to them. But only for people they don’t like. You know if you claimed the same for one of them the Cartman tears would flow.

Whala! One charge of perjury.

Even their judge who admonished Bill for not being forthcoming enough was smart enough not to charge him with that.

Such has been the plotting over the years, and the Right is in love with plotting: just like Eric Cartmann. Brietbart edits a speech to mean the opposite of what a Obama appointee actually said to get her fired and humiliate an administration. O’Keefe acts like a pimp, except when doing a con job on Acorn, edits the pimp image and neglects to tell everyone ACORN had to turn in the information, legally, and had marked it, as they were supposed to, as suspect. Success! No more ACORN, no pesky registering of probable Democratic voters. Keep up Birther BS. Hopefully something will stick.

Just like Cartman will do anything to get at Gingers, until he has red hair himself, hurt Kyle because he’s Jewish, find anyone’s mother inadequate morally while his mother does the town… two or three times over.

You know what’s missing in this analogy?

The punch backs: far too few and far too timid.

As we watch them use their own tactics on fellow party members who are running for president, Mr. Obama, be ready for the onslaught of many Erics this fall and be aware…

Soon it will come, in the fall: no later.

If you really want to win in the November, sooner or later you’re going to have to make Eric Cartman cry.


Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.

©Copyright 2011
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
All Rights Reserved

By Ken Carman

Retired entertainer, provider of educational services, columnist, homebrewer, collie lover, writer of songs, poetry and prose... humorist, mediocre motorcyclist, very bad carpenter, horrid handyman and quirky eccentric deluxe.

0 0 votes
Article Rating
Notify of

Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
Would love your thoughts, please comment.x