Biblical Scholars Find Evidence Church Covered Up For 3 Wise Men Who Molested Baby Jesus

It’s SATIRE! And from The Onion we’d expect anything else?

CAMBRIDGE, MA—Shedding further light on a long history of attempts to protect itself from accusations of criminal activity, biblical scholars at Harvard Divinity School reported Wednesday they have found evidence that the early Catholic church covered up for three wise men who molested baby Jesus. “After deciphering fragments of a previously unknown gospel, we now have textual documentation that clearly delineates abuse by three magi who arrived in Bethlehem and inappropriately touched the newborn Christ Child as He lay in the manger,” said Professor Raymond White…

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Trump Says White House Is No Place for Lying Lowlife from Reality Show

BEDMINSTER, New Jersey (The Borowitz Report)—Blasting his former colleague Omarosa Manigault, Donald J. Trump said on Monday that “the White House is no place for a lying lowlife from a reality show.”

“People were impressed by Omarosa because they saw her on a TV show,” Trump told reporters from his golf course in Bedminster, New Jersey. “Well, I’ve got news for you: being on a reality show does not qualify you to work in the government.”

Explaining why he considered her a “lowlife,” Trump said, “She’s rude, abrasive, and offensive. Having someone like that in the White House is an embarrassment to our country.”

 

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Inspection- Ellis Schmellis


by Ken Carman

 There are times I watch the actions of others and wonder, “Something stinks here. Why isn’t anyone seeing the obvious? Am I missing something? I hope so because otherwise it sure seems they are.”
 There has been a lot of speculation about Judge T. S. Ellis, no relation to T.S. Elliot, in the Manafort trial. In fact what T.S. Elliot was to masterful poetry T.S. Ellis is to unprofessional judging. And, Inspectionoh, ALL the excuses! He’s “just like that.” (Then he shouldn’t be a judge.) He’s tough. (“Tough” is OK, prejudicial jerk isn’t.) He’s got a huge 8×8 up his…OK, I made the last one up, but not that inaccurate when it comes to describing his behavior and attitude: like badgering the prosecution with just plain weird stuff: “a tear in his eye.”
 Ellis should hold himself in contempt.
 By the way, so what if the prosecutor did have a tear? What the hell has that got to do with anything except joyfully splurting verbal jizum all over the court room? Seems pretty obvious he’s a judge with an agenda no judge should have. What would that agenda be? Read more

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