The Tattlesnake Japes, Jabs, and Over-Heated Gossip Edition

Hey, Just Like the Big Media Punditrocracy Do It!

Item 1: Rumor is John McCain keeps his girlish figure by dressing like a girl yep, beneath that conservative men’s business attire, Mac wears a slimming body suit topped by a tight girdle. And, when he’s on TV, he allegedly insists on more face make-up than Hillary Clinton. Along with the ‘makeover’ of wife Cindy into a blonde GOP cheerleader, it’s part of a scheme to try and project an image of youth and vitality from a man who must be feeling every one of his 71 years in this grueling campaign. The question is: Can he keep it rolling until November? Many are betting ‘no’ McCain has an anger-management problem; when sleep-deprived and stressed-out, as he will be by next fall, he’s likely to snap in public, and an off-the-rails old crank the clich袠”You kids get off my lawn” geezer or, worse, the bug-eyed “I’m gonna eviscerate you with my Weed Wacker” weirdo — is not the picture the GOP wants to deposit in the voters’ minds. Worse, his handlers fear a ‘game over’ moment in the general election debates when he either blanks out completely on an important question, blinking mutely at the camera as the long seconds tick by, or responds with an inappropriate joke or red-faced rage; it’s already happened to some extent in this campaign, but his buddies in the Big Media have covered up those slips pretty hard to ignore in a nationally-televised debate, though, if the Straight Talk Express mutates into the Scary Mac Terror Train. Note to Dems: McCain’s biggest Achilles’ Heel, beyond his flip-flopping and Bush worship, is his temper. Catch him off guard and needle him enough and he’ll pop like a pimple.

Item 2: Sidebar on the Political Punditrocracy: Voters should keep in mind, the next time they see two ‘journalists’ from America’s Big Media Empire questioning the candidates, that they are watching the Wealthy Elite eliciting the opinions of other members of the moneyed country club. (No wonder they get so irritated at the idea of tax hikes for the rich or the notion of class warfare.) For example, let’s take NBC’s Brian ‘Those Are My Real Eyebrows’ Williams and Tim ‘Timmeh!’ Russert. Williams is so filthy rich, he’s had his dead white ass gold-plated and mounted on his dead white ass; and GE chairman Jack Welch’s political concubine ‘Bullshit Joe’ Russert, who likes to play his ‘authentic’ Borstal Boy blue-collar card at every opportunity, is about as far from the grimy working-class streets of Buffalo, New York, as Buffalo is from the opulent opium brothels of Bangkok. However, I dont believe there’s any truth to the rumor that ‘Timmeh!’ is actually 20-feet tall and that he dons a Snoopy mask to float over the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade every year, nor that his network uses camera tricks and builds huge sets to make his bulbous head appear normal, although there is convincing evidence to the contrary. I also don’t buy that he downs two quarts of cheap vodka every day I think his limit is one, mostly consumed in the afternoon and evening, and he can afford the good stuff.

Item 3: Finally, Hillary’s campaign is rumored to have a paid mole among the senior staff of Obama’s campaign, someone he has identified, but is leaving in place for now. That’s all right Obama has supposedly had a mole or two in Clinton’s campaign for some time and the Hill People haven’t caught on yet.