Inspection- Winning in Afghani-scam

“Hey, Buddy, try this magic elixir. Cure all terrorism. Make a ‘country’ that’s less ‘country;’ more a bloody conglomeration of feuds between warlords and failed empire building, become an actual civilized, democratic representative, country. I call my magic elixir ‘American Naivete.'”

Would you call that a scam? Most likely, right? Why did so many otherwise wise people buy into it?

We might have a ever so slight chance to turn “Afghanis-scam” into a win in “Afghanistan.” But considering this column appears mostly on left-leaning sites, I promise, you won’t like it.

We already dropped the total BS excuses “get bin Laden” or “get rid of the Taliban.” The Taliban is stronger than they’ve been since they were in control of the country. And I bet the populace has a bit more sympathy for them. Not much, overall. But the underdog in an occupation always gets at least a bit more sympathy. It has been reported that many have been saying, “At least we knew where we stood under the Taliban,” and they prefer how the Taliban courts deal out actual “justice;” predictably, though in the usual cruel fashion. With all the corruption, well let’s just say the rising stock of the Taliban is frustrating, but understandable.

So we didn’t go in to get rid of the Taliban, or capture bin Laden, or even get rid of al Qaeda, since we left Tora Bora to warlords; some who actually sympathized with them. And we probably aren’t going to become beloved and worshiped occupiers. After, how many years have we been in Iraq and Afghanistan? How many years has there been conflict in Afghanistan out of the past 30 years or more? How long have others been in there and then failed?

Here’s how we might win…

Let’s do what even the Russians had no interest in doing. Stop the rest of the BS. The only way to win is to admit we are conquerors and start acting like it. The place is ours. No retreat. Ever. Wherever opposition is: extermination is called for. With extreme prejudice. Make it nasty and very public. Free “after” pictures for all who couldn’t attend the event. Billboards presenting the carnage with warnings, broadcasts: hell, hire runners to “go tell it on the mountain.” Don’t worry. In this kind of occupation they are expendable; just hire or force another into servitude. Kill off their family one by one if they won’t cooperate: in public through dismemberment.

Rule as if we are the Roman Empire. You want to be a Muslim, a Christian, whatever? Fine. We don’t care. We’re into civil order and if you get in the way of that, then we out Taliban the Taliban. “Heads will roll” will be the mild reaction.

On the “bright” side we will finally find a way to use up our nuclear arsenal we think we need to replenish and refresh. Ah, “Refresh.” Has kind of a Glade-lady ring to it doesn’t it?

If you think this column has turned rather Jonathan Swift-ian, well, correct-o-mundo. I don’t actually recommend any of this.Disgusting” and “vile” are both far too mild. But if winning is a “must,” then that’s what we need to do. Won’t work forever. But, hey, how long did the Roman Empire last?

Otherwise? Leave. Leave now. We’re just wasting money, soldiers, innocent citizens and creating more terrorists and putting off what, by now, is probably inevitable. The current rebranding: the raising from the “this concept should have stayed dead” historical file: Vietnamization, won’t work. It didn’t work then. It won’t work now. They only have to wait us out. Didn’t work for the Soviets when they attempted the same thing in Afghanistan by leaving behind a small communist-oriented government.

Why is it that a policy that failed so miserably; again and again, has so much mojo now? To quote a less than intellectual, previous, President, “Is we learning yet?”

No: we’re not.

True Muslims everywhere shudder at the mere thought of what is about to happen. But I’ll bet many already knew it might happen. We have been wasting our time when we could have been planning for the inevitable. I knew what was going to happen years ago. I even wrote an Inspection with the bloody title: right up front, telling everyone who dared to read it what was going to happen.

Get ready for what we have really been carefully designing; from funding and training those we fight now over twenty years ago, to 10 years of poor planning, inept war making, generally pissing innocent people off and thus creating a legion of future martyrs.

Look! Underneath the national Christmas tree President Obama lit up shortly before deciding to light up Afghani-scam even more. Oh, goodie! A gift for us. Can you wait? Won’t be long boys and girls!

We have met the enemy. He is us. Our arrogance, ignorance and ineptness has decided the world’s fate. Get ready boys and girls to unwrap the coming of a Super Islamic State.


Inspection is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 30 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.

Copyright 2009
Ken Carman and Cartenual Productions
all rights reserved