Category Archives: Tattlesnake

RS Janes 2012

Many people here will remember RS Janes and will even come across a lot of his work from when he was an intricate part of the several previous websites that this one eventually morphed into.

From the original Political Pulpit, to the Political Puzzle, to Liberaltopia, and LT Saloon, Rick was a regular fixture on these sites and continued to be so on several others.  The author of the Tattlesnake entries here as well as many cartoons, he always found a way to entertain while giving us a message.

Rick passed away the other day from cancer.  His wife Val, says that the end was quick and fairly pain-free.  She posts a memorial on Rick’s personal blog, Fishink.us.

He will be missed by all who have known him.

The Tattlesnake — Was Donald Trump Born in Jamaica, South Africa or Mexico?

Now there seems to be some question about Donald Trump’s birthplace. (That those questions were apparently invented out of thin air, possibly for humorous reasons, is of no consequence.) As we know from the example of the right-wring media, any question involving your place of birth must be answered by a slew of legal documents which they will then reject as forgeries and demand more, just as Trump, to goose up his pathetic TV show’s ratings with a presidential bid, is demanding that Obama release his ‘long form’ birth certificate since the short form, adequate for obtaining a US passport or entering the military, just isn’t enough for the blubbery mass of ham and ego some call “The Donald.”

Consider this: Not one person at the Jamaica, New York, hospital where Trump claims to have been born remembers his birth, as far as I care to find out. Aside from that, Trump’s alleged ‘real’ birth certificate doesn’t specify it is a hospital in Jamaica ‘New York’ — it simply says “The Jamaica Hospital.” What is Trump trying to pull here, MON? Was he born in the islands and smuggled into dis country?

And where are the contemporaneous 1946 newspaper birth announcements for the baby Donald? Obama has provided two; Trump has provided zero. And look closely at the signatures of the hospital administrator and attending physician — are we to believe Walt Disney was running Jamaica Hospital in 1946 and a ‘Dr. John E. Conqueroo M.D.’ delivered Donald Trump?

Below, Dr. Kevin Rooney, a birth certificate expert and well-respected forensic doctor simply because I want him to be one, makes a compelling argument that Trump was born in South Africa and didn’t enter the United States until he was 15. (Just ask yourself: do you know of anyone who saw Trump in this country as a child?)

Some malcontents may argue that Dr. Rooney’s South Africa theory is short on facts, but, IMO, what it lacks in factual content it more than makes up for in bold, risible audacity. Besides, how can you argue with a copy of Trump’s real South African birth certificate? Who could possibly have the expertise and desire to forge something like that?

Donald Trump’s Real Birth Certificate Reveals He Is a Foreigner

by Kevin Rooney

Trump was born in South Africa. His father was there on business (buying diamonds) and conceived Trump with a woman he met there. You can see her Dutch genes in Trump, the light reddish hair and very fair skin is Low Country Dutch. Donald Trump was raised in Cape Town according to strict Dutch customs which are very socialistic. (This is where he developed his great relationship with “the blacks.”)

When Trump was fifteen he was brought to New York by his father. Trump never talked about his South African background for fear of reprisals by Americans who hated apartheid.

Two years ago, when Obama was elected, Trump decided to run for president. He spent three and a half million dollars over two years manufacturing an American birth certificate, bribed doctors and nurses to say they had been present at his birth, and even hiring for life a troupe of actors to play his childhood American friends, college classmates and professors, etc. He has a staff dedicated to manufacturing articles about his ‘life’ in America, etc. He is hoping to become President of the United States, beef up its military by cutting off all unemployment funds, and finally invade South Africa and reinstate apartheid so his elderly mother can go to the beach without a gun. …

Another eminent historian has advanced the theory that Trump was actually born in Mexico. Read it all at “Was Donald Trump Born in Mexico?”

I think it is incumbent upon Trump to withdraw from the GOP presidential derby and public life until he can prove where he was born to my satisfaction.

2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org

The Tattlesnake – Political Short Cuts Part Deux Edition

More short sour snipes at some prominent political and media figures of our bloated Blutocracy, in no particular order.

WI Supreme Court Justice David Prosser – Proudly relying on a former underling and ardent GOP activist to discover more than enough ‘accidentally uncounted’ votes two days after losing the election to miraculously make him the victor, Prosser has shown himself to be in the same league of unembarrassed conservative judicial giants as Antonin Scalia and Clarence Thomas. No doubt if there is ever again a Republican president haunting the White House, Prosser will be at the top of his or her list of US Supreme Court nominees, eclipsed only by the fine legal minds of Scooter Libby, Louie Gohmert and Orly Taitz.

Ann Coulter – Anorexic in appearance; emaciated in thought; bulimic in speech. In other words, she never changes.

Mike Huckabee – His Christian devotion to integrity would be breathtaking to behold at some point in the future. As it is, we just have to take his assurance that he follows the teachings of Jesus on faith, as no independent evidence exists to confirm this assertion.

President Barack Obama – Apparently content to advance through constant retreat which, if you believe the world is round, would eventually result in him sneaking up on his enemies from behind. Conversely, his political opponents believe the world is flat, which is why they’re falling off the edge like lemmings. In any race to the bottom, Obama’s antagonists have the shorter drop.

GOP ‘House Budget Czar’ Rep. Paul Ryan – A man whose idea of balancing the budget involves giving away money to the rich and then hoping they will take pity on your impoverished state and provide you with a good job. It’s part of the lethal charm of Republican reptiles to insist that this ‘perpetual motion machine’ of economic thought, which has failed repeatedly in the past, is sure to work this time around. Of course, Ryan himself will have a good job in the future, in or out of politics, inadvertently paid for by the destitute taxpayers without their knowledge.

NJ Gov. Chris Christie – In a large bowl, combine tasty tax cuts for the well-heeled with budget-cutting zeal strained through a sieve with tea infused with Bush Republican crapola. Mix with whatever Ann Coulter’s drinking heavily and add a heaping cup of Il Duce’s state corporatism. Put in the oven for four years at high heat and – voila! – you have an oven ruined by an unpalatable mess fit only for the trash that is no longer being picked up in New Jersey regularly since the governor privatized the service to break the union.

WI Gov. Scott Walker – His politics honor King Louis XVI, his speeches Newt Gingrich, his ‘toughness’ a box of rocks, while his eyes pay homage to Mad Magazine’s Alfred E. Neuman. One could easily see him in the White House, cleaning up after Bo, and it may be the only job he can get after angry Wisconsin voters recall him next year – it’s definitely the only one he’s qualified to do.

AZ Gov. Jan Brewer – What happens when a batch of mean goes sour.

Newt Gingrich – He has the fire in the belly, the snow on the roof, the fourth lady-in-waiting, millions in the bank, and the fringe-conservative hamster furiously navigating the CPAC exercise wheel to guarantee his shot at abject failure in the 2012 GOP presidential primaries. Since Newt has an incredibly large vocabulary of words to express his puny ideas and historical deviances, nothing will stop him from embarrassing himself by losing to Sarah Palin in the first few primaries.

Donald Trump – Teabaggers and other neoconservative halfwits would be well disposed to take advice from a failure who couldn’t turn a profit from an Atlantic City casino and can’t get a gambling license in Nevada due to his history of bankruptcy. In fact, the only thing that ‘The Donald’ has ever made money from is his pathetic TV show wherein he hilariously fulfills the rubber-room delusions of his marketing staff by pretending to be a smart businessman. A more perfect presidential candidate reflecting the current state of the Republican Party does not exist. Trump is their man and, if somehow elected, would doubtless spend four years concentrating on his weekly reality show, “Who Wants to Work in the White House?” while the nation further crumbles.

The Koch Brothers – Nuts ‘n’ money, honey, and a rich Republican’s joke is always funny, especially from a couple of billionaire sons of Birchers. They are incontrovertible verification of Dorothy Parker’s line: “If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to,” but even the late, great Algonquin Round Table wit never imagined the Almighty would stoop this low for a laugh.

Mitt Romney – Loose rumor claims that, during Romney family vacations, it was actually the Mittster who was tied to the roof of the car while the dog drove the station wagon, but let’s not go down that road. It’s also claimed the charismatic former governor of Massachusetts can charm a roomful of supporters into needing a nap within five minutes flat. His firm handshake is reminiscent of grabbing a dead cod, his personal history is redolent with mirthful myth and confounding flip-flops, and his political notions are agreeably GOP incoherent, plus he’s rich and he wants to be president, making him the perfect choice to be the Republican sacrificial tiger in 2012.

Sen. John Thune – Mitt Romney without the zesty personality and sense of dignity.

© 2011 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.

The Tattlesnake — Wordy-Gurdy Name Quiz

Just for fun, grab a pencil and paper and try to find the three-word name combinations of prominent people in politics, history and the arts from each clue.

Example:

Clue: Hit the road, Congressman

Name: Ray Charles Rangel

1. Clue: Piano Man Sun-Tanned

2. Clue: Shrugged the Aqua Buddha Senator

3. Clue: Blond-Haired De-Angler

4. Clue: Offbeat Comedian Astroturfer

5. Clue: Code Pink Prime Israeli

6. Clue: Disaster Progressive News Anchor

7. Clue: Chess Records’ Okie Senator At Last

8. Clue: Enthusiasm Curbed Tea Party Billionaire

9. Clue: Oscar General Badger Governor

10. Clue: Traitor for Gold and Golden Bear Musclehead

Answers below

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The Tattlesnake – Defending Charlie Sheen Edition

Is it crazy to stand up to corporations and media parasites that are trying to tell you how to live your life?

Charlie Sheen’s gotten a bum rap from the media lately because he refused to play the corporate and tabloid-TV game: the Shamed Celebrity is supposed to enter rehab and emerge contrite and chastened and just so gleefully grateful his corporate employer stuck by him during his time of need. Instead, Sheen called CBS and his producers on their ‘we care’ bullshit, and told the media hypocrites that parasitically cover celebrities to stuff it where the moon don’t shine. Here’s a news flash you won’t see on the MSM: When celebs enter rehab, it’s mainly for PR, career, or project-insurance purposes and there is no shortage of drugs and alcohol at any of the well-known rehab ranches that cater to the famous. What are they going to do, kick them out and lose all of that money? No, they turn a blind eye and cooperate in the fraud that the celebrity is ‘cured,’ and everybody goes home happy. Charlie Sheen just refused to indulge in this fetid game and, for that, he should be applauded.

Is he crazy? Maybe, but no more than most of us, and he’s not advising that we hurt or hate anyone. If you read his quotes below, he often makes considerable sense and he frequently lampoons himself, which the TMZ-style media are apparently too obtuse to recognize. He’s certainly more honest and lucid than the demented wolfpack of politicians and pundits that appear on Meet the Press every Sunday and are treated as sane and reasonable.

If a Hunter S. Thompson had given Charlie’s recent interviews, some of the same people pointing the ‘nutjob drug addict’ finger at Charlie Sheen and ‘tsk, tsk’ self-righteously shaking their heads over his sure demise, would be laughing with or praising him. But because he’s known as a film/TV actor, and many of them don’t want to offend Viacom/CBS for professional reasons, they toe the corporate line that Sheen is spinning out of control and needs help. Haven’t we learned by now that large corporations do not have compassionate souls that take pity on their employees, and neither do the heads of Hollywood production companies? It’s all about the money.

Aside from that, when did Charlie Sheen’s personal life become the concern of anyone but himself and those around him? How would you like your personal problems exaggerated and splashed all over the TV beast and the Internet?

As you read the poem below, pretend they are the words of a beat poet rather than a movie star. It might give you a whole different perspective; “Droopy-eyed armless children” by itself is a line worthy of a Jack Kerouac novel or Allen Ginsberg epic.

“Winning”

The words of Charlie Sheen edited into poetry

I so desperately wanted to be
Mr. Somebody.
Instead, I was the little brother…
As kids we’re not taught how to deal
with success; we’re taught how to
deal with failure.
If at first you don’t succeed,
try, try again.
If at first you succeed,
then what?
C’mon, bro, I won best picture at 20!
I wasn’t even trying.
I wasn’t even warm.

Fame is empowering.
My mistake was that I thought
I would instinctively know
how to handle it.
But there’s no manual,
no training course.
The run I was on made Sinatra,
Flynn, Jagger, Richards,
all of them look like
droopy-eyed armless children!
Sure, I did a lot of things in excess.
But if you look at the core,
the foundation of what I pursued,
what red-blooded young American
male in my position wouldn’t?
But you can’t focus on things
that matter if all you’ve been
is asleep for forty years.
Funny how sleep
rhymes with sheep.

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