I was watching an episode of Deep Space 9 when I was inspired to write this. A son who had been berated by his mother and brother all his life committed murder and admits to it when Deep Space 9 operative, Miles O’Brien, discovers the truth. The “truth” is a little deeper than that, but for the purposes of the points I’m making will do.
    The mother, later on, has an attack of conscience.
    Nice touch, but I wonder how many people actually have an attack of conscience that results in doing what’s right after all they said, after how they treated someone: especially in a family. Even after all they said and did obviously helped cause damage to a family member or friend. May even result in suicide, or suicide by drink, or…
    In fact, I doubt to many folks would ever admit to being part of the problem. Fewer than one might imagine.
    This whole “pull yourself up by your own bootstraps” attitude is partly responsible for this, after the people who say that have removed bootstraps. It treats people as if each person is an island, totally not affected by others. A “poor little me?” tude, or worse just considering them a bad seed, ignoring who fertilized and tended the seed.
    We are not islands. Were not seeds, and there’s bad and good, and all between, in each of us. What we do and say affects others, especially those closest to us. And I doubt some even remember what they said or did. Humans are far too talented at dismissing things they may be at least partially responsible for.
    Yes, I’m sure this includes me, something I have been pondering many moments in my life when my actions have caused problems, or made a situation worse. Example: a former almost, but never to be, girlfriend killed herself: second attempt years later after the first. She had treated me horribly because it became obvious her whole “going out with me” routine was just an attempt to get her former boyfriend back, who was also my best friend at the time.
     Another case…
    My father once told me “Do what’s right, even if it’s wrong for you.” So an attitude so few have these days. And doing what’s right mostly get you punished.
    True life example: one brother bullies a brother and the parent’s constantly tell the bullied brother he should stop crying after being bullied and “grow up, be a MAN.” He grows up, becomes an alcoholic who takes way too many dangerous chances. Uses everyone. Doesn’t pay rent, always borrowing money and never lending or repaying. Eventually dies from an accident caused by his condition.
    Was he responsible? YES, oh, God, yes: of course. Are those who helped lead him down this path responsible to some extent? Obviously, yes.
    Actions and words have consequences. How we treat others matters. Yes, at least a small portion of blame. How much? I leave that up to the individual. One of the many reasons I tend to avoid insult when debating in places like Facebook. I don’t always succeed. But what does insult prove? NOTHING. Still most public “debate” is little but ad hominem attacks.
    When ANY pol calls their opponent or those they have a disagreement a name, why should I care?
    Yes, I claim no innocence, and recognize how I too have hurt others too, as well as how they treated me sometimes.
    So many don’t learn how to treat others or regulate themselves. Increasingly I have come to believe that nature, or genetics if you wish, do control who you become but nurture is far, far more important. That last one means not just parents but teachers, friends, enemies, politicians, well… EVERYONE. They all help you be better, or help you down destructive paths.
    Of course YOU are mostly responsible, but how others treat you can be like tying weights to a person attempting to at least tread water.
    Does this affect politics, social issues? You bet your bippy, as they would have said on the 60’s show Laugh In.
    None of us are innocents in these matters.

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    “Inspection” is a column that has been written by Ken Carman for over 50 years. Inspection is dedicated to looking at odd angles, under all the rocks and into the unseen cracks and crevasses that constitute the issues and philosophical constructs of our day: places few think, or even dare, to venture.
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