— Tattlesnake’s ‘Media Insider’ says cool cats and kittens should not be swayed by the ‘official’ story regarding Rick Sanchez’s bouncing from the Corporatist News Network otherwise known as CNN. The reason Jon Stewart’s hilarious portrayals of Sanchez as something of a babbling idiot were so devastating is because, well, he’s something of a babbling idiot. (As evidenced by his comments about Stewart’s alleged ‘bigotry’ and Jewish ownership of the media.) Word is, CNN has been looking for a reason to dump this ratings-tank boob without having to pay off his contract. Like most Big Media bobbing heads, Sanchez’s contract no doubt had a standard clause that said if he did anything egregiously immoral, racist or embarrassing in public that had the potential of bringing scorn upon CNN, such as shaving his public hair on live TV or wearing a hood and announcing his selection as a Grand Imperial Wizard of the KKK, he could be summarily dismissed and his contract immediately cancelled with the balance due unpaid. CNN knew its man – with Rick’s fetid history of on-air loopiness, it was only a matter of time until Sanchez crossed the line, and this just happened to be that moment. Of course, Sanchez has now issued the stock Pro Forma Apology to the Universe, (you’ll find it between ‘Memo, Traditional Format’ and ‘Resume, Classic Form’ at your local Big Box stationery store), and eagerly looks forward to his “new future of opportunities” somewhere else. That ‘somewhere else’ will probably be the graveyard shift at Fox Business Channel where Roger Ailes has provided a comfortable if little-watched retirement village for dimbulb dogmatists who have bottomed out elsewhere in MediaLand. Here’s to not seeing you again, Rick!
— Republican Tea Party senatorial candidate Christine O’Donnell, when not busy denying she’s a witch, told Fox News she was refraining from national campaigning to focus on the concerns of Delawareans. (That would be the denizens of tiny Delaware, not a race of talking plants in “Star Trek-The Next Generation,” although any confusion is completely understandable.) Howsomever, as Rachel Maddow recently exposed, the Anointed Chipmunk has not been doing much campaigning in Joe Biden’s home turf, either; no public events scheduled, nor interviewing forays with the local media. Is this evidence that she’s given up, facing a 20-point deficit in the polls and broad exposure of her two decades of public nuttiness? Her campaigning seems to be confined solely to running a batty ad where she informs voters up front she’s not a member of a coven (she only ‘dabbled’ in witchcraft, folks), and that she’s just like them, when they haven’t taken their meds. Aside from the roasting over hot flames any Dem candidate would receive from the rabid right for confessing even a fraction of Christine’s abuses of sanity, God Girl’s latest revelation that she’s been receiving ‘classified’ information that China is planning some kind of invasion of the US isn’t really classified or new. Your Tattlesnake has a couple of pals who were paid to teach English in China, only this was not the standard grammar-and-syntax English most of us think of when the subject comes up. Instead, what they were really hired to teach was street-American patois and the intricacies of our popular culture. (One friend spent a whole class on Elvis Presley, for example.) The Chinese ‘invasion’ is no secret, either, only it won’t be military – as reported by several financial publications, the Chinese are using their abundant hoard of US dollars to buy up large tracts of American land; it seems reasonable, more reasonable than Christine, anyway, that the Communist tyrants in Beijing plan to use that real estate to set up factories to manufacture their cheap junk here, once the US labor laws have been sufficiently weakened by Christine’s GOP to allow the kinds of unsafe job conditions and meager salaries Chinese workers endure. (Or maybe they’ll just use prisoners, as they mostly do back home.) What the little Non-Witch misses is that a good Christopublican corporation, Walmart, is the chief importer into the US of Chinese-made goods; her Republican Party has been the main driving force behind suspending tariffs and other regulations to prevent foreign nations from having this kind of power within our country; and notorious picked-by-Jesus ‘president’ Junior Bush borrowed $2 billion a day to pay for his bumbled, illegal war in Iraq and lavish tax cuts for his wealthy family and their rich friends. If ODon weren’t already losing large in the polls, it might behoove her opponent to point this out – yet another thudding contradiction that is going to kill the GOP in future elections.
— Why is it that this morning, an atheist did not see an image of Richard Dawkins in her burnt English Muffin, or Madalyn Murray O’Hair in her Lay’s Sour Cream & Onion potato chip? For that matter, Buddhists have not reported visions of Siddhartha in the swirls of their Cream of Wheat, nor have Jews spotted Moses in bowls of chopped chicken liver. For some reason, only Christians, and especially those of the odiferous American variety, seem to have this penchant for apprehending the Christopublican-sanctioned Jeffrey Hunter Jesus in everything from Melba toast to grilled cheese sandwiches. What does that say about the dominant religious delusion in the US? “Whoa — I see God in my snacks!”
© 2010 RS Janes. LTSaloon.org.
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Sorry, does not compute. Life of Brian?
A reaction to your comments like…
Yes, from Life of Brian. They were chasing him and one of them picked up his dropped shoe. Believers; esp. more modern Christians, try to find such in grains of wood etc. And the cross… how odd. Relics, as in “Shoe of Brian.”
Thanks, I get it now. I haven’t seen the film in a long time, so I didn’t catch the connection.
While I, too, have on occasion seen “God” in dark chocolate or potato chips, I thought it was just because of the “divine” taste!
I’m waiting for Jesus to be seen floating in the toilet. Anything can be perceived as having some image, and amongst all the turds out there one has to look at least a little like what we think he may have looked like.
Of course, if I really found him drowned in the toilet, I’d blame my cats. I’ve found at least one floating chipmunk in there, so why not Jesus?
I’m a little disappointed that last year I made a grilled cheese sandwich and all I got was an image of Telly Savalas (Pontius Pilate?); turned upside down, it slightly resembled Bluto from the old Popeye cartoons. Hmmm, does ths mean I should start worshipping Kojak or Max Fleischer?
BTW, the Republican Jesus has already been spotted floating in the toilet — remember the Ty-D-Bol man? He kind of walked on water, although he used a boat, but he did make a pile of money for the company — perfect for the GOP misinformation squad.
The Ty-D-bol man interested me for other reasons, a book I’m working on. I didn’t realize that he became a minister or something towards the end of his life.
Christine O’Donnell definitely needs to sit down right this moment! She is doing nothing except for making herself look like a complete imbecile.
I read the Ty-D-Bol man passed away, or through, recently. It was a sad case of someone whose life, formerly flushed with success, went completely down the tubes toward the end. (Groan.) No one is saying if a crack pipe was involved. (Double groan.) Apparently a family member knocked on the bathroom door and didn’t receive an answer to their “Did you fall in?” query. (Triple groan.) There is absolutely no truth to the rumor that he once shouted “Let them eat urinal cake!” at a bunch of poor people begging for bread. (Make him stop.)
Your punsterism has now officially “bol-ed” me over.