Category Archives: Inspection

Inspection- Crustification

I thought it would be fun to republish one of my columns from the earliest years. Minor editing for clarification and because spellcheck really sucked back then. The squirrels who did that were on a smoke break, and it wasn’t tobacco. Published February 1975 while attending my second college: Plattsburgh State University, or Pee Suck, as some called it. The repeating quote is pretty much verbatim what I was told over and over again. And I was a LOT nicer back then. (Maybe?)
Dominos was a smaller chain in 75. Its pizza has vastly improved. Still not a positive comment. In 75 my editor at Cardinal Points told me he asked the manager at Dominos not to sue Cardinal Points. That manager said, “Why should I sue you? I have had a lot more people try my pizza since you published that.”
 So am I partially responsible for a now nationwide culinary abomination? God may never forgive me.

by Ken Carman

 Once upon a semester a scribe came to PSUC. He had visited many other colleges and wished to find a university free from bureaucracy. To Scribe a perfect college would be considerate of students. It was presumed by our hero that such a college should nestle among friendly locals and commerce that was equally kind.
Inspection The Brassiere Office, after Scribe stood in line for a decade, demanded new students must pay for food service. Scribe noticed that this would cost him $315. (May seem strange, but a lot in those days) When he suggested for that price he could have just eaten out every day they recited the school motto our hero heard so often, “This is not our problem but yours. Students are merely guests.”
 Scribe decided to go ahead with dorm life for the first year anyway: after all money grows on parents. (Actually I paid my own way with a little help from one brother.)
 Settling into his ‘new’ hole in the wall Scribe decided he was hungry. Dominos was offering two free quarts of Pepsi with a pizza. The delivery man arrives minus the soda. He refuses to go back. (Eventually they told students if they insist they would go back, but either way students would never would get the soda. You could hear them do this as they delivered pizzas to rooms all the way down the hall.)
 Scribe wrings the pizza man’s neck. But the response was oddly familiar: “This is not our problem, it is yours. Students are merely guests in Plattsburgh.” After that Scribe munched Pepsi-less on a piece of cardboard-like crust sprinkled with glue like cheese and a sauce to rival Chef Boyardee. Some dare call it ‘pizza.’ Read more

Inspection- There’s a Hole in the Bucket

by Ken Carman

One, two, three, let’s SING!

Inspection           There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, dear Liza,
          There’s a hole in the bucket, dear Liza, a hole.

 Let’s hope it’s not too late for Stacey Abrams to inspire people to plug the holes, and bring to justice the traitors who keep punching the holes.
 As a home brewer I have had the experience more than once filling a bucket, filling it to the top again, and finally realizing I need another bucket. Small crack, tiny hole… I feel the same way about our voting system, but these arten’t tiny or small. Yet we don’t need a new bucket: we need to stop those who want to punch holes in the bottom, in the side and prevent them from doing anything they can to stop politically incorrect votes from going into the bucket.
 Republicans and the president like to make much of thousands, yes even millions, of illegals voting. Fine: prove your case. Not just one, two, three voters voting where they shouldn’t, or attempting to vote twice… in a nation of how many legal voters? Let’s see the pictures or videos of hundreds of provable illegals pulling up to a precinct and voting. Hear from hundreds of poll workers saying, “Yeah, I knew they shouldn’t be voting, they weren’t on our lists, had no card, but I was told I had to allow them to vote.” Provide proof or BUGGER OFF. Read more

Inspection- Oh, DEER, What Could the Splatter Be?

by Ken Carman

Massachusetts: a deer was hit by a car, bounced and went through the windshield of a school bus, landing in the driver’s lap.
 This edition won’t make some happy who consider themselves pro-gun rights.
Inspection This edition won’t make some happy who are considered to be anti-gun.
 This edition won’t make those whop are anti-hunting happy
 All these terms are over generalizations: a different topic.
 Those who don’t care much for hunting too often are painted with having the “poor Bambi syndrome.” Those who love hunting are too often painted with the trigger happy, drunk, “let’s party first” guys who are loathed by any true hunter.
 I come from a family that hunted every year. We didn’t go out with major fire power. My father had an M1, my brother various guns: most memorable a Carcano. You know: the Kennedy killer bolt action rifle that used military ammunition. Not highly reliable. Not highly accurate, even with a scope because it had a tendency to misfire and had a poor workmanship problem. A surprise how well it did, considering. I had, well have, a single shot .43 Spanish Remington Rolling Block that is retired: the barrel brittle and ammunition/shell pretty much extinct. Read more

Inspection- Selective Outrage and Selective Silence Will Be Our Undoing

An enraged blonde teenage girl shouts angrily into her pink mobile phone. Courtesy Getty Images

 All of the following are signs of the times, I suppose… as the cliche goes. Collectively a dark one, for sure: and I’m sure the darkness is intentional.

by Ken Carman

 Where are all the Bernie people, so outraged at how Democratic leadership screws them over? Biden supporters who find less than adequate coverage? And where, oh, where has our not so little media gone: those who dare call themselves “journalists?”
 Since you so often write and/or appeal to the lowest of low brows, write down to (at best) an 8th grade level, maybe you’ll get this, “Yous guys DO know theres bes Republicans challenging Trump, right?”
 The outrage at how they’re being shut out should peg the plethora side to the public pissed off and journalist curiosity meter. Talk about snubbing candidates while obeying the wishes of the new party elites. Read more

Inspection- Guilt by Accusation

by Ken Carman

 Benghazi, E-mails, even Fast and Furious are politically inconvenient.
 Russia, the Ukraine, Emolument -gate are politically inconvenient.
 There are certainly many differences among the sextet, but the major one is guilt by accusation. Russia connections ended up in The Mueller Report. If you have read that immense document; which is really two documents, it is a meticulous report very evidence-ary in nature. I can imagine Perry Mason and lawyers helped by Bull doing battle in court pulling out cherry picked excerpts, even if just from the heavily redacted version of Mueller’s document, to prove their case.
 If you read memes the right posts, hear their rants, the approach is different. How many years did we have of hearings, testimony? Where are our damning Inspectioninnocence, proving reports that Perry or Bull’s lawyer could use? Instead we go straight from accusation to guilt, but guilt only borne out of political convenience. It is an assumed ‘known fact’ that Hillary and Barack “did nothing.” That they sat back and watched Benghazi happen, even laughed at the carnage. Fast is a ‘proven’ fact: even though it was started under the Bush administration and stopped during Obama. Took too long, but still “stopped.” Hillary’s E-mails are, perhaps, the best example of this: filled with unproven accusations where they hold up 30,000 plus E-mails deleted…. No they don’t. Have you read one bloody E-mail? Seen any proof of a single: non-reclassified after the fact, E-mail proving this?
 It is an accusation: E-mails of a personal nature were deleted, and those E-mails should not have been mixed in with the business of government. This much we agree on. E-mails were probably deleted by staff, rather than Hillary, it’s the only thing that makes sense. A woman as busy as Hillary Clinton with millions of digital conversations simply wouldn’t have the time to sit there and weed out over 30,000 E-mails… OR some automated software did it. (I tend to prefer the former.) Of course going after staff isn’t all that politically convenient: it’s more convenient to paint Hillary as some fang dripping acid maniac with hellish red hot brimstones for visual portals, gleefully risking national security, cackling as she deleted the evidence. Read more

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